Don't Think Of Me
by Cloud Albatou
Summary: Sometimes, you think you can let go of what you love and end up standing aside with silent tears. When Ryou belives Bakura falls for someone eles he seals himself away...songfic. Implied Anzu/Bakura, Yami/Yugi, and Ryou/Bakura.*Finished*
1. Don't Think Of Me

A.n.-Hiya, this is my first Yugioh fanfic^_^Its told from Ryou's p.o.v.^_^I hope you all like it^_^  
  
  
Dissclaimer-I don't own Yugioh or this song "Don't Think Of Me" by Dido^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~So your with her, not with me  
I hope she's sweet, and so pretty  
Here she comes, delightfully  
A little angel besid me~  
  
I watched from deep within the Ring as my darker half made Anzu smile brightly, her deep blue eyes sparkling with innocent joy. How long had it been since I had simply sealed myself off inside of the Ring? Days? Months? Years? More? Couldn't of been to long, since Her face hadn't really aged at all. Still the same as I rember it. Not long after me and my darker half had become...more or less 'civil' to one another, basicly he wans't beating the shit out of me when ever he was bored or angry, Anzu had addmitted feelings toward him.  
  
-Feelings- damnit. I think he only really started to date her to hurt Yuugi and his other half, becouse it was blindingly obviouse that Yuugi was head-over-heels for her. Though over time I belive his motives changed. I saw my other half less and less. Jou and te others grinned and joked that I probbaly enjoyed haveing so much time to myself after all this time.  
  
But without him near me its like someone ripped out half of my soul. I couldn't take it, couldn't take the lonelyness that drowned me when he wasn't near. I lived 5 years with him always near, possively near. There whenver I awake or sleeping. Overbearingly close to me no matter what. Every breath I toke at night was tainted with his scent, my ears dureing the day rung with his cold voice.  
  
Despite the fact that nearly everytime I was with him he'd ussualy give me a bruise to my extensive collection. But....I think he was just afraid. Afraid that if he didn't have some sort of solid proof of his being in conrtoll. There was always that look in his eyes afterward, just a split secoud before he went back into the Ring: regreat.   
  
How did I fall in love with someone who smacked me around all the time you may wonder? Becouse of what I saw in his eyes, becouse I knew he inwardly regreated causeing me pain. Even if he couldn't say it aloud then. He has been with me for so long I barely rember what it was like without him...although...I did lose him once......when Yami Yuugi sent him to the Shadow Realm.....  
  
I thought I was going to die. I truely did. Without him near, I felt someone had yanked my soul in half; which in a sense is exactly what Yami Yuugi did. I tried to act somewhat normal, tried not to allow myself to drown in the sea of misery, failing miserbly. But then, he was back. Just like that, as though he'd never left.   
  
I won't say that the punishment he gave me for my defience dureing the Shadow Game wasn't painful, but gods it was nothing compared to the agony i'd felt when he was gone. Things did change a bit after that little incident though. I think it was more or less becouse of Yami Malik of all people, though what exactly happened that changed his mind i'll never know.   
  
All I know is that he came back after a visit and he didn't try throwing me into a wall or anything. He'd....hugge d me. Held me for the first time ever. That gentle touch was more then I had ever hoped for in the deepest part of my mind. He gave up his quest to have the Sennen Puzzle and actually stopped trying to tear out Yami Yuugi's throat every time he appeared. Things went for the better and I...I thought perhapes now I would've of been able to tell him how I feel.  
  
Wrong-o.  
  
Anzu apparently ended up haveing a 'crush' on him and asked him out. I felt like my heart had been pulled out and stomped upon when he accepted; though somehow I'd managed to hide it from him. I'd gotten good at hideing my pain from others, even from the other half of my soul. Even though he had made 'peace' more or less with Yuugi and such, I think the only reason he really started to go out with Anzu was to hurt him a little.   
  
It worked, but only to an extent. For it was soon found that Yuugi had fallen in love with his Yami and they were together. But by that time, my Yami had already fallen too far into the web Anzu had spun. He was depenendent on her and I saw and felt him less and less. This was worse then when I'd lost him to the Shadow Realm. For now he was here but I never saw him really.  
  
~So your with her, not with me  
Oh how lucky, one man can be  
I hear your house is smilein' clean  
Oh how lovely when your homecomein' queen  
Oh how lovely, it must be~  
  
Finaly I did the only thing I could do, the only way I could be close to him. I sealed myself into the Ring. How you might ask? Simple really. When Yami went into his Soul Room, I simply went into mine as well forceing him to take controll. Then I more or less permently locked the door to my Soul Room. Ignored his voice and pushed myself so deep into the Ring that I probably couldn't leave if I tried. This Forced him to have compleat controll over my body.   
  
Sometimes at night he'll bang on the door of my Soul Room and yell for me to open the damn door. But I won't. I watch the world through his eys. Watch how Anzu cleans our house untill its shining clean. He's with her, and he's happy I belive. And really thats all that matters to me. As long as he's happy.....I can live with this. As long as I'm close to him.....I'll be okay.   
  
~Oh when you see her sweet smile baby  
Don't think of me  
And when she lays in your warm arms  
Don't think of me~  
  
Though maybe its better if he forgets that I ever really existed. Maybe that way he'll be more happy. Even if he had, apparently, liked haveing me around after his 'talk' with Yami Malik. Not that it really matters any more. Nothing matters now.   
  
It'd probably be best if he did forget me, I hope he dosen't dwell on me too often. Though I do sometimes see thoughts of me running through his mind when she lays asleep in his warm, strong arms. He shouldn't think of me, I'm gone more or less now. Its too late to go back now, too late to change all that has happened. You can't turn back the hands of time.  
  
~So your with her, not with me  
I know she spreads sweet honey  
In fact your best friend, I heard  
He spent last night with her  
Now how do you feel, how do you feel?~  
  
Through your ears I learned something that shocked me so compleatly I nearly relesed the hold on my sealed door. The bitch, Anzu, had been sleeping around behind your back. With your best friend Yami Malik of all people. Gods the mere thought of what she did makes me fall on the floor of my soul room in rage and pain. Pain becouse its that slut I lost you to, anger becouse of what she'd done.   
  
Waves of hurt and anger flow to me through our link. Adding to my own more or less. For a freezed moment of time I litterly consider sepereating from you and chaceing after the whore and screaming at her. A fractin of a secoud later I find myself doing exactly that. Pushing open the rusted door of my soul room.  
  
Pauseing I drop my hands and force back in place the lock. Silently I dropped back onto the bed, feeling tears pour down my cheeks. Funny how fate really seems to have in for me. Really, I think this is some cosmic joke that it has come up with to simply make my life hell.   
  
~When you see her sweet smile, baby  
Don't think of me  
And when she lays in your warm arms  
Don't think of me~  
  
~And it too late, and its too bad  
Don't think of me  
And its too late, and its too bad  
Don't think of me~  
  
//.......Abiou?//  
  
I cringed at the hesisent sound of my darker half's voice. Closeing my eyes and drew my legs to my chest and didn't reply He should have forgotten about me by now. Its too late to change anything. Nothing can be done about me or him now. I still love him, hell I always will. But I kno whe dosen't love me. Hell, if he did he'd of never went of Anzu. Never of -slept- with the damn whore.  
  
But he did, and if I were to leave the depths of the Ring now he'd simply float farther and farther away from me. And I won't survive that. I know I won't. Cowardly perhapes I am, but atleast this way I'm somewhat close to him. And thats enough for me.  
  
//Abiou.....talk to me//  
  
His voice...its just like I rember. So strong....perfect really. For the barest insent I pictured those deep brown eyes of his. So hard...even cruel looking at first glance. But if you knew him like I do...you'd see the warmth. Gods, how can it hurt so much to miss something I only saw once or twice?  
  
~Does it bother you now   
All the mess I made?  
Does it bother you now   
The clothes you told me not to wear?  
Does it bother you now  
The angry games we played?  
Does it bother you now  
When i'm not there?~  
  
//You can't stay in the Soul Room forever you know. Evenetualy you'll be forced out.//  
  
I moistened my lips nervousely. Wanting deperetly to respond..if only for a secoud. Fear forcing me to try and hold back...  
  
/.....you stayed in there for centeries./  
  
Desperation always wins out though. Fear may be strong....but despereation will always be stronger. You can only hold out for so long.  
  
//Thats different and you know it. The Pharaoh sealed me in it, you can not seal yourself inside of it. I'm suprised you've lasted this long really inside there.//  
  
Sorrow washed through me. Lasted? Barely. I'm pretty sure that I fell of the damn deep end a long time ago. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I missed it really. Human contact....light....all the simple little things of Life really. I'm surrounded by darkness all the time. And its so cold.... So very cold in here...  
  
Idly I wondered if anyone really missed me though out there. If He really missed me. After all the messes I made, all the times I defied him even after we were friends.....If he really missed me at all. I thought it'd be enough just to be able to feel his soul entertwined with mine through the power of the Ring...but......I wish I could feel his hand on my face. His warm arms around me.  
  
A felt amusement and sorrow flow through our link  
  
//Of course i've missed you, Ryou...Yuugi and the Pharaoh are constantly working on a way to make you come out...please...Abiou...come out...please.....//  
  
~Oh, when you see her sweet smile, baby  
Don't think of me  
And when she lays in your warm arms   
Don't think of me~  
  
I cursed myself and quickly put up a mental bloak so he couldn't read me. How could I have let my gaurd down like that? Baka, baka, baka. Closeing my eyes I layed down on the bed in my soul room, curling up into a fetal postion.  
  
/Its too late now, don't think of me anymore Yami......I......I//  
  
I cut myself off and closed my eyes tightly. I'm too much of a coward to tell him how I feel anyway The rejection would oblietrate me completly. And at least this way...i'm close to him. With that I rose up the the mental bloaks compleatly so he couldn't talk to me anymore....but I could still feel him and he me most likely.  
  
I know he's right though....eventualy the Ring will force me back into my body. But.....hopefully thats a day far from now.....Maybe by then, i'll of really be forgotten.  
  
Why dosen't that bring me any joy? Maybe becouse in the end......all i'm ever going to be left with is a graveyard of memories.   
  
~And its too late and its too bad  
Don't think of me   
And its too late and its too bad  
Don't think of me~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Probbably not the best Ryou-based fic on the net, but it is my first and I've been wanting to use someone from Yugioh with his song....Ryou and Bakura just seemed to fit it best though. Also, I know my spelling sucks but I don't have spell cheak on my comp. Also, I haven't seen the whole serise yet, I am reading up on the 1st and third over the net but I don't know the whole thing about the Soul Rooms or how long the Hikari's can stay inside of them. If they really can't stay in there really long or anything then I soppose this is in the AUish kinda category. Also, if any of ya got some flams for me go ahead and send 'um in. I'll simply post them and make fun of them so everyone can see your stupidty. Petty perhapes it is, but it sure as hell makes me feel better.  
  
Ja ne 


	2. Every Minute Of Every Day

A.n.-Well, you all asked for another chap and here it is^_^I hope it lives up to your expectations.   
  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yugioh or this song "Every Minute Of Every Day" By Scorpions.  
  
Dedication-MajorKami, Dark Magician, Tiamet, Vampire Huntress D, Lita, Blue Diamond, and Fan90. Arigatou Minna!^_^  
  
  
  
  
~Well it seems that I was lost  
In Intoxicated nights  
Following the trace of ecastasy  
With no future, and no past  
Just the present was alive  
Like a presoner chained on a dream~  
  
  
My Abiou's silence cut through my like a knife causeing tears to form. I missed his constant smile, that innocence that only he and the Pharaoh's Hikari could ever pull off. I missed the way he was always there waiting for me, a willing ear for any problems I had. He was truely a gift from the Ra....and what had I done with such a gift?   
  
I had tried to destroy it, breaking it into a thousand shards at every chance I was presented. I had made a vow though, after my last 'owner' had died. That I would be in controll. That I wouldn't allow another to force me into the sick slavish submission I'd been thrust into through out my long life. Life? Funny....I don't think you can call being locked into a magical Ring and waiting through countless centries of darkness untill someone found you to release you. And even when they did.....Oh Ra...the very memorys of my past owners is enough to make my skin crawl.  
  
But still....I can still rember the first time I'd seen my Abiou. He'd been around eleven I belive. Tall for his age with snow white skin and long silver hair that tended to follow its own whims. Large brown eyes of incredible innocent intensity had stared up at me with curiousety. He'd greated me warmly before asking who I was; how i'd appeared from the Ring.  
  
It turns my stomake even now to rember how i'd struck him hard enough that he fell to the floor. The memory of how his deep brown eyes had filled instently with tears as he held his cheek with utter shock still makes shame fill me. Back then I hadn't cared though. I'd simply glared down at him, dareing him to challange me. I would be ready this time, I thought. I wouldn't allow myself to be controlled by a mere mortal agine.   
  
Threats after that had made him keep his silence, he feared me compleatly. When he got out of line I gave him a reminder of just who was in charge. I knew even then what he was, my Hikari. My lighter half reincarnated. Ironic that the other half of my soul would carry me on a string though.  
  
No matter how hard I pushed him though, he never once fought back. Never. Not even the smallest form of defience had ever filled him back then. Nothing. I think thats what made me so angry. That he simply stood there and toke it. Sure, it made useing him to get the other Sennen Items a lot easier....but Ra, the boy didn't even stand up to me. He was a weakling....and I've always despised the weak. Still....he's *my* weakling.   
  
Something I proved many a time. Before I came along he was the natrul target for any bullys at his school. Shifting through his memorys (I only -skimed- through them though) I saw that he hadn't ever even told anyone about them either. Just stood there, let them take his money and use him as a damn punching bag.  
  
Sure, I won't deni that I had slapped him around a few times by that time..and a little while afterward. But Ryou was *my* Hikari. Mine. And noone trys to touch what is mine. Ever. And when they do....well they never really live to repeat the mistake thats for certine.  
  
  
~I was drowing in a feeling  
That obsession rules till morning  
Kills the creature sof the night  
And I read your lipstick message  
On The mirror of the truth~  
  
  
~Now that your gone I relize  
Without you Lifes a song without music  
Without you this world  
Won't be the same~  
  
  
Ryou reminded me too much of how I once was back...back before I was sealed in the Ring. Back when I was so naive...and I had payed many a price for haveing such a weakness. Maybe thats why I'd been so harsh to Ryou. Thinking maybe I could try and stengthin him for the harsh world that awaited for him.  
  
His Soul Room was constently littered with some toys and a white flowing...innocence really that nothing I did ever tainted. Oh, sure he was frightened of me, of what I could have done to him if I choose. His mind was ussualy a scattered mess whever I toke the time to speak to him, and whenever I appeared infront of him he trembled and flinched at my every move.   
  
He never defended himself whenever I called him weak, pathatic, or anything such as that. Though it was really me who was the weak one. I was afraid of Ryou, though I soppose thats really just excuse. He frightned me really, he saw the world with such purity. Saw only the goodness in others untill they proved him wrong, and even then he still belived that their was a shred of kindess lurking in them somewhere.   
  
The world is harsh, the world is cruel. Its a place where the weak wither and die and the strong take their places. I've known that for a long time, Ryou though never seemed to learn that simple lesson. He never hated the bullies who picked on him, and he never really hated me. Strange, isn't it? It would seem that he should hate them, and if not them he should have at least hated me. But he didn't. Though I soppose thats why he's my Hikari. I always see the worst while he only sees the good. I see the darkness, he sees the light. Ironic, isn't it?  
  
The only thing I belive he ever showed any form of backbone about was Yuugi, Honda, Jou, and.....Anzu. He told me that he wouldn't allow me to hurt them. I hadn't belived him then, beliveing I'd already driven the boy back so far that he wouldn't -dare- try anything even if he disagreed.   
  
I was wrong though.  
  
As passive as my Hikari is, he's very protective of those who are is friends. Something I relized a little too late. But then, Ryou had never really kown Yuugi and his friends all that well. Sure they talked once in a while, but not really that often. I hadn't thought that he'd have such loyalty to them. Or maybe it was never loyalty, but a desire to protect others. Ra knows the boy'll protect everyone but himself. Even those who don't give a damn about him.  
  
It was, and still is, so infurating. That he cares for everyone and forgives so easily. I....I drove my Hikari to sucide once, I've sent him to the hospital more then once in the past, and yet.....He forgave even me. Its mind blowing really, how easily he forgive something. So patient, so loveing.....and I never really saw it. Never saw much of a reason to look for it.  
  
When I returned from the Shadow Realm not long after the Pharaoh had sealed me in it either, avoideing the Reaper of Cards was no easy feat -belive- me. My abiou had been terrorfied of my return, yes, but he was also somewhat......relived more or less I soppose. He was punished, a little severely maybe, for his defience dureing the Shadow Game.......but for some reason he was still happy more or less that I was back. He hadn't felt whole with me gone.  
  
I soppose have a strong, extremly negative persone in his life had simply got to him. Or maybe the bond between a Yami and their Hikari runs deeper then one thinks. Its true that I hadn't felt compleatly right myself without Ryou near. We were one and couldn't be otherwise. Light to balance the dark, darkness to balance the light. They are one and the same, can never truely be apart. And when they are....chaos is really the reaction.   
  
Darkness needs light to somewhat filter it from doing too much, a counienses of sort I soppose. Light needs darkness to keep it whole, to protect it more or less from other forces....Though I soppose I failed miserbly at that. I was never really much of a protecter or gaurdian for my chibi Hikari at all. I hurt him more then anyone....Though I never relized really how much I was hurting him...how much I was trampling over that pure soul......untill Yami Malik gave me a call saying he needed to have a little 'talk' with me, and for me to meet him at his house.  
  
  
~I need your love  
I need your love every minute  
I need your love every day  
I need your love every minute  
Come back and stay~  
  
  
~Well I know that I was lost  
In the nightmare of my life  
Following the flash of fantasy  
In a feeling that exploded  
I'd left reality behind~  
  
  
~Addicted to the power of a dream  
Without you life's like a road  
That leads nowehere  
Without you  
The world don't feel the same~  
  
  
When I got there he'd been sitting on the couch silently, his face locked in no expression. Wrongness seemed to fill the air as I walked in, makeing my every nerve scream for me to turn around and walk out. That the secoud I sat down and listened to what Yami Malik had to say my entire universe was going to be turned upsidedown and smashed into a thousand peices.  
  
But I didn't run, I walked in and closed the door behind me. I sat down next to him and waited for him to begine. He'd called me, not the other way around. He'd asked me what I thought of my Hikari....I was stunned really. I didn't really understand the question. He'd gone on without waiting for answer, however, pulling up memories of my past that only he had ever really known about.  
  
His sudden careing in my personal treatment of Ryou suprised me, after all, he'd never really been all that gentel with his own hikari. Though, apparently, things had changed on that end of things. Ironic. Hours pasted, though I didn't really notice. After a while I'd finaly left, my mind mess really. I'd never tell anyone -what- exactly Yami Malik had spoken to me about--somethings are simply not ment to be known you know. There are some secrets never ment to leave the shadows of darkness. Ever.  
  
I'd wandered around for hours aimlessly through Domino, deep in thought. Somehow I found myself infront of my Abiou's home....our home I soppose really. I'd walked in to find him sitting on the couch. His eye was was swelling, his lip was busted as well--though he was more cleaned up then how I'd left him.   
  
He'd looked up at me the secoud i'd entered. Those melted-chocolate orbs peirceing through me gently. Fear had flashed over his face, his body tensed and he quickly adverted his gaze from me. He was afraid of me obviousely, though and for the first time it hurt. Sure, I'd always felt somewhat guilty for harming him....but I had balanced it out thinking I was only prepareing him for what layed ahead. But when I looked at him, at his terrofied, rigid form.....I felt nothing but shame. Tears had builded in my eyes. The sensation was nearly foregin in itself. I had not cried since I was a child. And, counting the years in that blasted Ring, was a long time ago.   
  
I'd walked forward, and kneeled down infront of him. Slowly raiseing my hand to his face, feeling my insides twist as he tensed at the touch...but didn't move away. I'd tilted his face so he was looking me in the eye. Those glories shining orbs had widened with suprise...most likely at the tears that were building in my eyes.   
  
Unable to hold it back I'd thrown my arms around him and started to sob. Clutching him close as though he would disspear if I didn't. I'd chocked out an apology...hearing sharply over my own cries his forgiveness. That he forgived me for everything. The pain, the lonelyness, the possive controll i'd always held over him.....  
  
It frightened me, but still I didn't allow my usale reaction to fear and confusion to take over....which was normaly haughty stubbern pride. We'd stayed like that for hours at least. Morning came and he convinced me to go see the Pharaoh and his Hikari...along with his friends. Said he wanted them all to accept me.  
  
I'd agreed....mainly just to make him happy. To see him smile so brightly. So we went. They, of course, distrusted me on the spot. I do belive that Jounouchi Katsuya even tried to take a swing at me at first. Though Ryou and the Pharaoh's Abiou stopped that from happining. Weeks past and me and my Hikari became closer. It was nice really....I never realized just how wonderful Ryou was untill those few preciouse weeks.   
  
Then all hell broke loose.....the end of our little pardasise begane to crumble when Mazaki Anzu asked me out on a date. I hadn't thought much of it at the time. And the only reason i'd really done it was to try and get to the Pharaoh's light a little. I mean, it was blantently obviouse that the Pharaoh was in love with his light....and that Yuugi had feelings for him as well....though he was hideing it well by useing Anzu as an excuse since he didn't think his dark would ever feel the same.  
  
So I gave them a little nudge by going out with Anzu. I hadn't thought anything would come of it, boy was I wrong. Anzu was....so much like Ryou in many ways. She had the same qualitys in a since....though not the same purity that he held. That he would always have I soppose. The thing with her went on and one...she drug me out of the house more often....I often ended up staying at her places through the night and through most of the morning...I never really saw my Hikari that much anymore.   
  
Closeing my eyes slightly I walked into Ryou's old bedroom. My bedroom now I soppose......though I was the only one who ever came into it anymore. I touched nothing, for everything was still as he left it. To move something....would only be announceing just how far he was from me....even when our souls were so very closely linked by the power of the Ring....  
  
  
~I need your love  
I need your love every minute  
I need your love every day  
I need your love every minute  
Come back and stay~  
  
  
Then came the day that changed everything....turned my world upsidedown...more so then when Yami Malik and I had our little 'talk'. My Abiou sealed himself into the Ring. Locked the door to his Soul Room so tight that I can't enter it even useing my superour mental powers. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so damn irrtating and....sad really.   
  
Anzu urged me to belive that he would come out when he was ready. That he simply needed to get away for a little while.....that he would come out when he felt like it. I didn't belive her really....though in my broken state (he had mostly cut off all telepathy contact) I wanted to clutch a tattered hope. And tha was what she brought.....sort of.  
  
So I stayed with her. She moved into Ryou's house, though I locked the door to Ryou's room with sevral different locks to keep her out. Noone entered that room. Noone would enter it untill he was back. Each day was torture really. Despite the fact that the house was just as sparkly clean and homey as it had always been since Anzu toke care of all that.   
  
But it was different really. Ryou wasn't there.....so it was more empty I soppose. I'm slipping away more and more each day really. I can't sleep at night, I can sometimes barely breath becouse my heart hurts so much. I miss him. I never loved Anzu, though I was pretty sure she'd fallen for me and I was more or less useing her as a semi-replacement for Ryou.......not fair perhapes but she never really seemed to care. As long as I was around, ate her food, smiled, laughed once in a while even and shared my bed with her I probably could have ran down the streets stark naked for all she cared.  
  
Perhapes thats a little harsh of me to say. Though to tell the truth i'm not really thinking that highly of her at the momment. Nor am I of Yami Malik.  
  
  
~Well I know that I was lost  
In the nightmare of my life  
Folliwng the flash of fantasy  
In a feeling that exploded  
I'd left reality behind~  
  
  
~Addicted to the power of a dream  
Without you life's like a road  
That leads nowehere  
Without you  
The world don't feel the same~  
  
  
I won't say that he and I hadn't shared lovers in the past, we were lovers in the past before even. But damnit, we were always straitforward about it instead of sneaking around behind eachothers backs! One night when I was feeling far more depressed about the distance between Ryou and I, I decied to head over to Yami Malik and see if he had come up with anything new to get Ryou out of the Ring or atleast to unlock his friggen Soul Room.   
  
So far both he and the Pharaoh had tried and failed miserbly at it.....saying that Ryou had sealed himself to far in and that unless he had the will to get out--he might not ever really come out. Well, that is untill the Ring sucked most of his life-force out of him and forced him back out of the Ring becouse it couldn't hold a mortal soul forever.  
  
So, I'd walked to Yami Malik's appartment. I didn't bother leaveing a message at Ryou's and my house for Anzu since she said she said she'd be working late and after work she was going to do some practiceing or her danceing lessons. Flimsy excuse I see now, though I hadn't really been paying much attention at the time so i'd bought it without question.  
  
What I found when I walked through door was deffinetly not what I'd been expecting. Yami Malik and Anzu makeing passanite love on the kitchen table. The secoud they saw me, guilt had flashed over both their faces though i'd left before Either of them could say anything. In my anger I'd gone to her work place to find that she hadn't been working for nearly 2 weeks and that she had been fired for haveing sex in the broom closet with some boy with short brown hair and dark eyes and who ussualy wore a large light brown coat. Honda.   
  
Now that royaly pissed me off more then anything. Okay, so she had sex with Malik. We'd shared lovers before and I didn't really have many feelings for her anyway. But damnit, she had slept with Ra-knows how many people while she was with ME. Now that, was just wrong damnit. Wrong wrong wrong.   
  
Though I soppose i'm no saint in this delima either. I had been useing her as a simple subestitue for Ryou.....Ra, I miss him so much.   
  
Silently I turned off the lights to his bedroom and shut the door. Walking back over to his bed I slowly layed down on it, inhaleing deep of the sweet scent that lingered their. Ryou's scent. Tears rolled down my cheeks.  
  
I'd give anything to see him one more time.......anything.....I need him...I need to be with him. I need to see his smile...I need to hear his voice...I need to be able to touch him....I need to tell him the truth of my emotions.....tell him just how much he means to me....  
  
  
~I need your love  
Every minute I need your love  
Every day I need your love  
Every minute I need your love  
Come back and stay~  
  
~I need your love  
Every minute I need your love  
Every day I need your love  
Every minute I need your love  
Come back and stay~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-And we stop there. What didja all think? You all wanted a sequel, ya got it. Heh, probably not exactly what ya'all were hopein' for though was it? Hmm, well.....if you all REALLY want another chapter......i'll write one. Only if you ask though^_~Also.....for all you Anzu lovers.......I really really don't like her charecter all that much...and I'm sorry if you all thought maybe I was bashing her or something. *shruggs*sorry.....flame me about if ya wanna, I don't care. 


	3. Forgive

A.n.-Well, here it is. The next chapter jus' as ya'all asked^_^heh, I hope ya'all like it. Also, sorry its so short....I didn't mean for it to be it just kinda turned out that way...if I write another chapter, depending on your reviews, it'll be long like the other two.....promise^_~  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh nor do I own this song: "Forgive" by Rebecca Lynn Howard.  
  
  
Dedication-Lita, Fyredra, Dark Magician, Meredith T. Tasaki, Lunatic Lisa, Vampire Huntress D, Fan90, Ashley, --NC-- of the Unholy Quintet, Kako, Ruby, Tenshi-Dragon. Domo Arigatou minna!^_~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~I always said that'd be it  
That I wouldn't stick around  
If it ever came to this  
Yet here I am so confused  
How am I suppose to leave  
When I can't even move?~  
  
I stared at the darkened walls of my Soul Room for I didn't know how long. My heart and soul ached vibrantly though I couldn't bring myself to speak again with my Yami. To once again hear his voice through my mind.....its torture. Sweet, cold torment. A personal hell that I've brought myself to. Though maybe I deserve it for burdening every one with my memory for so long.  
  
My Yami had said that Yami Yuugi and Yuugi were working hard on finding a way to force me from the Ring...How selfish of me to drag them away from each other and their lives...Can't they see the reason why I'm doing this? Can't they see that I am doing this for my Yami? So he can truly be happy...as long as he's happy then I will survive.  
  
No matter what happens I can live with it. I can never truly leave him, even if I desired to. He is my dark, the missing piece of my soul...without him I am nothing. I used to tell myself that as soon as my Yami was happy then.....then I'd lock myself even farther into the Ring so he hopefully would no longer feel me....but maybe i'd still be able to sense him....  
  
That the instant he found love beyond bounds then I'd leave at least a little farther into the Ring, because then my role would be complete. I told myself all I was doing was watching over him....Making certain he was okay without me. Of course, he doesn't really need me. He never did aside from having a body to use once in a while...but I needed him then, and I do now. I love him. I always will. And in the end, its as simple as that.  
  
Slowly I stood up, falling to my knees to the white carpet of my soul room as a wave of energy shot through me painfully. I struggled to breath, feeling beads of sweat make their way down my face as I did so. The Ring was finally doing exactly what my Yami had warned: It was rejecting my presence within it.   
  
I held no Shadow Powers, and that was what the Ring was. An Item that feed off and used the powers of the Shadow Realm. Yami was the only one of us with such a connection, his power could sustain it while I was within it for a little while; but not eternally I suppose. No matter how much I desired to remain within the Ring safe from all harm and out of the way of Yami; I can't.  
  
The realization of this struck me like thunder. I'd never really given it much thought before. Preferring to shove it far from my thoughts, unwilling to dwell on the moment when I'd be forced to leave the sanctuary I'd built around myself....  
  
But now, my silent world i'd built was falling away and I have to face the music.....apparently......as they say.....no sanctuary is forever....  
  
~In the time in which it toke to say  
"Honey I'm home how was your day?"  
You dropped a bomb right where we live  
And just expect me to forgive~  
  
Spots of light danced before my eyes as I struggled fruitlessly against the power of the Ring. A foolish endeavor perhaps, my mental powers and such mayhapes have improved during my time locked away, but they are nothing truly compared to theSennen Ring's will. It had been tolerant of my presence for long enough perhaps, and now it was making me leave.  
  
I scrambled against the force, feeling tears fall down my cheeks. I'm not ready, I'm simply not ready to face him. What will I say? What can I say? Its been so long....so very long....what if he's angry that I'm back? What if everyone's angry that I've returned? They all most have been better off without me anyway....  
  
I felt hard, unyielding wood beneath my hands and two gasps steal the air. My eyes snapped open, a rush of tears falling. I stood up slowly, realizing abruptly that I was in my old room......nothing had been moved, not a single object disturbed by the passage of time. I turned around slowly, what I saw making my voice catch in my throat, my eyes widen with anguish beyond anything imaginable; betrayle cutting deeper then any blade tore through me without a second thought.   
  
Laying entwined in my sheets were two figures. One unmistakably female, the other one I knew by soul and heart. One I loved without limitations. My world shattered beneath me, though I'd thought I'd come to terms with the fact that my Yami was with another....seeing it.......hurt....  
  
"Hikari!"he breathed, those same dark orbs I remembered so very well traced over me.   
  
I backed away slightly, feeling tears fall over my cheeks as the woman I recognized as Anzu slithered an arm over his chest, using his back to hide her nudeness as she stared up at me with shock and anger.  
  
Obviously she'd never thought i'd come back--but then neither had I....  
  
  
~Well, that's a mighty big word  
For such a small man  
And I'm not sure I can  
'Cause I don't even know now who I am  
Its too soon for me to say, forgive~  
  
He started to stand up, only to be pulled back by Anzu who looked at him with an expression I couldn't quite make out through my tear-fuzzed vision.  
  
"Hikari...."His voice....how can he call me that now? After he's done....-that- with her?"I'm...sorry...I didn't...I didn't think you'd really be back so soon....please...just...wait...I've so many....so many things to tell you!"  
  
Tell me? Tell me what? That he and Anzu had gotten back together despite all the odds? That he was sleeping with her again and my mere presence was but another burden. Pain, pain, pain tore through me heart.....battering the shattered remains that still resided. How? How could this have happened? Why? Why does God hate me so? Hate me to force me out of sanctuary to see this?  
  
To see him laying sated in the bed after being -with ANZU-! I choked on a scream of pain that rose in me and ran out of the room, vaugly hearing my Yami's yelled apology after me. That it was all just a misunderstanding, and for me to come back.  
  
How can I? My heart bleed for me to stop and listen to him, that as long as he's happy I should be happy. But......the pain......the anger at seeing them together...the envy...those emotions by far outweigh that of my blistered heart. Heart? What heart can I have now? For surely now its gone....vanquished in his hands for an eternity. Shattered it far beyond recognition...  
  
~I should ask, but I won't  
Was it love or just her touch  
'Cause I don't think I want to know~  
  
~So get you some things  
And get out  
Don't call me for a day or two  
So I can sort this out~  
  
I ran out of my house, feeling a hollow ache fill me as I rushed through the darkened streets of Domino with no true destination. What was left for me now? How could he be back with her? Did he love her? Or did he simply desire her? NO!......I can't.....I don't want to know....I can't....take this....it hurts....so much...  
  
I love him....yet I suppose he loves her......what is left in this world for me then? If he loves her......then nothing in this world is left for me. I can hear footsteps following me now....quickly I sped up my pace, nearly tripping over my own feet as I went. Sobs wracked my body as I ran.....maybe if I ran far enough then maybe the pain would go away....maybe this blinding hole in my soul will vanish...   
  
~Well you might has ripped the life  
Right out of me here tonight  
Through the fallen tears you said  
"Can you ever just forgive?~  
  
Abruptly I felt someone tackle me from behind. I looked up to see a blinding mane of long silver hair a few shades darker then my own, cruel brown eyes that always held malice at first glance stared down at me. A dove soft hand ran down my face, tears splashed onto me; mixing with my own.  
  
"....I'm so sorry, Hikari.....I didn't mean.....I don't....forgive me please....."he stumbled over his words, unable to get them strait.   
  
Forgive? I'd give him anything, the stars if he asked and all he wants is my forgiveness? That was all? Why were we doing this anyway? I love him....I'd give him whatever he wants....he should know that.  
  
"B-bakura......did.....you get him"A breathy voice asks.  
  
I stiffened instantly. Images of them laying in bed together, her arms laying so possessively over him flash through my mind causing tears of the deepest pain to form.  
  
No pain devised by man or god could have reached this depth.....I felt like a broken toy long since cast aside and only just realizing it. I felt like such a fool for not realizing he loved her and she him sooner......  
  
  
~Well, that's a mighty big word  
For such a small man  
And I'm not sure I can  
'Cause I don't even known now   
Who I am  
Its too soon for me to say, forgive~  
  
~You know what they say  
Forgive and forget   
Relive and regret~  
  
I wanted to die just then, life held nothing but a blank emptiness that consumed me so completely. Solid ground I thought I stood upon had proved to be nothing more then a mere illusion. I stared up at him with betrayle, my eyes shifting to Anzu with a hate to deep it burned my very soul.   
  
With a strength gifted only though adrenaline I'd shoved my darker half off me and taken off once more through the darkened streets of Domino. I had nothing left anymore, no reason to live. To die is bliss, so that's what I shall do. Maybe I'll throw myself off the Domino bridge. End my lousy existence once and for all.   
  
I felt someone grab my arm from behind, I jerked and struggled angrily. How dare they try to rob me from completing the only thing that will end my pain. End my sorry life is what I desire.  
  
I saw a flash of louse blonde hair and lavender eyes that flashed at me. Malik. Tears rushed through my eyes as I felt a foreign feeling enter my mind and a command for me to sleep riveted through me. He was using the power of the Sennen Rod on me, I realized distantly.  
  
Still, against is superior powers of the Shadow Realm and mental powers, I had no real choice but to comply. I felt my world slowly begin fade away as I slouched against the strong figure that held me so close. I heard a pitiful whimper of sadness and fear escape my lips as two arms embraced me strongly.  
  
As conscious thought began to leave me I heard my Yami's heart-felt cry asking for forgiveness rivet through my memories.  
  
I can't though....it hurts.....hurts too much.....I need time perhaps....maybe in the future...maybe...but right now...its too soon....The pain is too fresh....the image of them together still to permanent in my mind....  
  
A comforting nothingness engulfed as I embraced the crowning oblivion joyously.  
  
~Forgive  
Well, that's a mighty big word  
For such a small man  
And I'm not sure I can  
'Cause I don't even know   
Who I am~  
  
~Ooh, its too soon for me to say  
Forgive~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Ack, did that suck as much as I think it did? I've re-written this chapter several times...and this was the best out of the others...though each time I read over it, it seems kinda choppy, y'know? Mm, was it really bad? If it really sucked I'll take it down and try to re-write it I guess......  
Mm, other then that what did you think of the plot turn? Should I leave it there or what? ^_^Please review^_~  
  
Ja ne 


	4. Like You Never Had A Broken Heart

A.n.-And we have another chapter^_^I never really expected for ya'all to like this fic so much^_^I was sure it was just going to end up another lost fic in the sands of the Internet^_^. Hehe:)Don't forget to review, onegai^_^. Reviews are the life-blood of what I write. They're my motivation....no reviews no motivation -_-'.....so, review onegai!^_~  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh nor do I own this song: "Like You Never Had A Broken Heart" By Trisha Yearwood.  
  
Dedication-Tohru, AnimeQueen, Lunatic Lisa (LL, Vampire Huntress DD, Chibi B, X.X. (OHHHHHHH), --NC--, Blue Diamond, Asian Angel 12, Yami-kun, and Renee The Rabid Squirell.^_^Domo Arigatou Minna for all your reviews!^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Don't be afraid to hold me tight  
You know I won't break in two  
What we're doing here tonight  
Sure beats what we're going through~  
  
My heart thundered painfully in my chest as I stared down at the unmoving form of my Hikari. I longed to reach out and brush a tendril of that snowy white hair, but I couldn't. What right do I have to touch him? I'm a tainted bastard who he caught in bed with one of the biggest whores in Domino. Who asked for forgiveness when that was asking more then a saint could even give.  
  
Forcing myself to move I kneed next to the bed, resting my hands of the worn quilt. Tear stains marred his too pale features, though it didn't detour from the soft beauty that had always been his...that would always be his. My mind did a flashback to the moment when he had appeared from the ring. His slightly longer silver hair falling heedlessly over his face, nearly hiding those glories brown orbs that shown a light unknown to many  
  
Ra, the look on his face...the utter betrayle....the pain....it hurt me to know that once more I was responsible for my Hikari's pain. Though I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised. All I've ever brought to his life is misery. I love him though....I do....despite the fact that I always seem to hurt him in someway I do love him.  
  
I was locked in the Ring many a millina ago for sins only the Pharaoh and Yami Malik know about. Though their memory's are somewhat dimmed, like my own, from the passage of time that passed while sealed away. From slipping slowly into madness from having only yourself and being swallowed by a darkness too deep for anyone to survive.  
  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Malik stare in at me and Ryou. Shifting my gaze from the golden-haired Egyption back to my Abiou I layed a single hand against his snow white hair; half expecting Ra to strike me down for daring to touch. Nothing happened though. Closing my eyes I recalled what had happened earlier that night.   
  
What I had done to damn myself yet agine, and to harm my chibi hikari yet again.   
  
~We both loved and lost before   
You know the sadness it can bring  
Tonight let's close the door  
And hold onto the nearest thing~  
  
It had been dusk, yet another worthless day without my Hikari at my side had passed so that didn't really matter that much to me anymore. My eyes felt swollen, a quick glance in the mirror had shown me that they were puffy and red; my features pale and creased in appearance. Yet I couldn't truly bring myself to care.  
  
What did it matter that I looked like hell when my Hikari had sealed himself away and the perfect little illusion I had created to make everything seem somewhat whole while I waited for his return was shattered. Maybe this was Ra's revenge on me for treating Ryou so cruelly in the beginning. Maybe, this was hell.   
  
For without him that's exactly what my life was: hell. Then she had come in. With her big blue eyes staring over at me, her shoulder length nearly black hair falling to her shoulders as she walked into the room. She began to speak to me, touching my face gently as she did so. Her words passed right through me, I didn't even hear them really. I only saw her sudden gentleness.   
  
Felt the feather light kindness that only one being in this entire hypocracy damned world had ever given me. I looked up at her, at Anzu, and for the briefest moment I saw sincerity in her gaze. Well, the almost sincerity I suppose. The sincerity that she wanted me back that is. She told me she had lost Yuugi to the Pharaoh and knew how I felt, in a way, about losing Ryou inside the Ring.   
  
Even if we didn't have the same attachments that the Pharaoh and his hikari have. I nearly laughed aloud. She didn't know. Didn't know that my love for Ryou far went beyond being his protector and as redemption for how I treated him. It went farther then that. He is the other part of me, the lighter half of my Soul. Without him at my side I can never be complete...ever.  
  
But, what I feel for Ryou went, perhaps, beyond even the bond a Hikari and Yami share. I love beyond words, beyond description. But in that moment, as I looked into her eyes...I saw something. It wasn't innocence, wasn't purity or anything like what I always saw and felt in Ryou....It wasn't even pity or anything, more like....empathy, a sense of understanding that I hadn't felt in a long time.  
  
She'd put her arms so gently around me, laying her head against my chest in the same way that Ryou used to.....  
  
~Lets keep hangin' on   
So we won't fall apart  
Lets make love tonight  
Like we never had a broken heart~  
  
I don't know what happened really after that. The next thing I knew her lips were pressed so firmly against mine. Her hands running down over my body with a restlessness only lust can provide.   
  
It wasn't love.  
  
It wasn't even lust for her.  
  
It was barely even her gentle touch.  
  
It was the fact that as I closed my eyes her soft touch became his. Became Ryou's. And for a single brief instance.......it wasn't Anzu who I was with.....it was my Abiou. It was his lips who rained kisses down over me, it was him who's body was against me. I could suddenly ignore all the major differences in his body and hers....and simply imagine that it was him with me. Not in the ring, but warm and alive, pulsating beneath me.  
  
I could pretend with her a reality that had become a dream to me. And for that one split hours or so in time.....my dream was real. I had him laying in my arms. When it was over she cuddled against my body, her soft breathing tickling warmly my neck. The illusion by then had shattered and I felt sick to my stomach.   
  
Sick with myself, sick with her, sick with this friggin' life that I'm forced to live. Sick with not having him here, beside me, in my arms...where he belongs. For a minute I actually longed for the days when he had first received the Ring. At least then he wouldn't be locked in his blasted soul room and I could be holding him and not this slut.   
  
The mere thought made guilt and shame fall over me. Not at the thought of having him here with me and not that whore.....but that for a second I had wanted the days when he had been so afraid of me. When he had been so ....when I had hurt him so much...  
  
Time passed over me as I fought with the sudden urge to throw the out of my arms and into the floor; And maybe throw myself out the window or something when I was finished throwing her out of the house and my bed for that matter. But I did nothing. I simply layed there, my arms motionless around her small frame.   
  
Ryou. I loved him, yet I had just gone back to that slut who had tore us apart in the first place. How had I become so weak? How had I become such a fool? My stomach was churning with disgust, my pride and heart aching vibrantly at what I had done. I was waiting for his return so I could tell him exactly how I truly feel for him, yet here I was back in bed with her.   
  
Abruptly I golden light shown from my Ring, flashing brightly through the darkness in the room. I could feel something i'd not felt in months, the bare feeling of my Hikari's soul against my own, nothing blocking off his thoughts and mine....nothing between the two of us anymore.  
  
~Don't be afraid to close your eyes  
Pretend i'm someone that you love  
And I won't have to tell you lies  
'Cause its not you i'm thinkin' of~  
  
~Lets keep hangin' on   
So we won't fall apart  
Lets make love tonight  
Like we never had a broken heart~  
  
Anguish tore through me, of all the nights for the Ring to reject his presence it was now. The figure I had longed for all this time appeared not too far away from the bed on hi hands and knees. Slightly longer silver hair hung raggedly over his shoulders and I let in a gasp vaugly hearing Anzu do the same. Apparently the light had awoken her.   
  
Chocolate brown eyes of the same intensity I remembered snapped open, tears burned in their depths."Hikari..."I breathed out the word, feeling the need to say it to prove I wasn't asleep and dreaming this. That I hadn't slipped so far into madness that I was imagining this.  
  
He stood slowly, his eyes falling onto me as I searched him over. Feeling the need to memorize every detail about him, to imprint his image even further into my mind. Anzu wrapped an arm around me, pressing her nude body against my back. I didn't bother to shove her off, her presence in my mind already forgotten really.  
  
Ryou backed away suddenly, a small cry escaping his lips as tears rushed down his face. What was wrong? Abruptly the realization hit me. I was in his bed, with Anzu.....naked. It didn't take a baka to figure out what had happened really. I started to stand up, trying to get out of Anzu's sudden death grip.   
  
I pulled myself out of her grasp angrily, seeing the expression of utter hate and envy she shot at Ryou. She knew. Silently she was telling me that if I rose and went to him then anything we had would be gone. Like I really give a damn.  
  
"Hikari...."I said, my voice sounding weak and shaky in my ears,"I'm....sorry...I didn't...I didn't think you'd really be back so soon...please...just...wait...I've so many....so many things to tell you!"  
  
Words, useless words now. Ryou bolted from the room, heedless of the apologizes I yelled that this was only a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding? -Just- a misunderstanding? It was far more then that. Jumping off the bed I quickly grabbed my boxers off the floor and tugged them on along with my discarded pants.   
  
Practically diving out of the room after my Hikari I raced after him out the door and into the darkness of the streets of Domino. The bright silver light of the moon lite my path, stinging my eyes slightly since they'd become rather unused to much light over the time I'd spent locked in Ryou's room.   
  
I called after my Abiou to stop, though unsupriseingly he didn't. Pushing more speed into my run I began to gain on him. Ryou can be very fast when he wants to be, I knew that....however, I'm still superior to him in physical sense. Jumping forward I tackled him to the ground. Tears were rushing down my face though I paid them no mind really. What did they matter? I had him back...to lose him now was to lose him forever.  
  
"I am so sorry, Hikari...I didn't mean...I don't"I blubbered, unable to get my thoughts strait,"....Forgive me please..."  
  
He relaxed suddenly beneath me, his eyes staring up at me with surprise, anguish, and many other emotions too deep to ever be completely unraveled. His breathing slowed beneath me, I realized suddenly that his lips were inches from my own...so close..  
  
"B-bakure...did....you get him?"A voice I recognized as Anzu's gasped out.   
  
Beneath me I could feel the abrupt change in my Abiou's manner. Those beautiful innocence chocolate orbs clouded suddenly with tears, his breath becoming erratic as he stared up at me brokenly. With surprising strength he shoved me off and toke off running agine. I remember how Anzu had wrapped her arms around me, trying to hold me back as she told me to let him go. That he'd come back eventually and if he didn't, who cared.  
  
I'd shoved her off me and toke off after him, who cared...who cared?! I did damn it! Infront of me I saw a golden light flash and someone grab Ryou and push him against the wall. Bleached blonde hair flashed in the light along with a tan, perfectly honed body I recognized instantly as Malik.  
  
I realized in an instant that he was using the power of the Sennen Rod to calm Ryou down. I saw my Hikari struggle in his grasp, a choked sob and whimper rippling through the night air before he fell motionless against the lavender-eyed figure. Malik had simply lifted him into his arms, walked over to me and began to walk toward Ryou's home....our home I mean.  
  
And here I am. Leaning over his under-fed form so possively. I'd hurt him agine. I'd told myself that I would never hurt him again and yet I had. It seems that history does indeed repeat itself. Behind me I heard Malik sigh before walking out of the room. Good...I don't really feel like talking to him.....  
  
Sure, you can usually have some real deep conversations and all....but i'm not really in the mood. Besides, he already called the Pharaoh and his Hikari about my Abiou's return...I mean, sure I'm not trying to steal the puzzle anymore but couldn't I have one night alone with my own Abiou to talk?   
  
I mean...when he wakes up I know i'm going to have some major explaining to do...and besides...its time that he knows. Knows just how I feel for him. Its long past the time that I stop being such a friggen' coward and stand up, look him in the eye and tell him everything. I bite my lip nervously as a small moan erupted into the air.  
  
I tensed and look timidly down as a pair of chocolate brown eyes slowly opened.   
  
The expression that layed there made my breath catch in my throat.  
  
Anger.   
  
Hate.   
  
Love.   
  
Pain.  
  
Anguish.  
  
If looks could kill, though, i'd be six-feet under right now.  
  
  
~Tonight we'll just pretend  
We've been in love right from the start  
Let's make love again  
Like we never had a broken heart  
Lets make love again  
Like we never had a broken heart~  
  
~Don't be afraid to close your eyes~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Well, what didja all think? ^_^Please review:)I live off ya'all's reviews y'know!^_^hehe 


	5. In The End

A.n.-Ugh, I seriously have no idea where this came from...I put my hands on the keyboard meaning to start with Ryou-chan's p.o.v. and I ended up with Anzu's...I really can't stand her and yet I've written a chapter for her....feel free to shot me.....  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "In The End" by Linkin Park.  
  
Dedication-Fyredra, Blue Demon, Renee The Rabbid Squirrel, *Blah*, Tohru, --NC--, Amy Bakura, Asian Angel 12, Vampire Huntress D, sliverlaugh1155, and SeaGroundSky. Arigatou for all of your reviews!!^_^ **tosses you all roses and chocolates and chibi dolls of Ryou, Bakura, Malik, and Yami Malik**^_^hehe  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Its starts with one thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme  
To explain in due time~  
  
~All I know  
Time is a valuable thing  
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings  
Watch it count down to the end of the day~  
  
Its not fair.   
  
He doesn't deserve him. He never has. How he became the Hikari of such a person as Bakura I'll never know. He's weak. He's pathetic. He has nothing to offer him. I on the other hand, have so much to give him. So much...and he doesn't see it. He's blinded by Ryou. I suppose he always will be.  
  
But that doesn't make it right.  
  
They simply.....don't fit. Sure, maybe Ryou is the other half of his soul.....the lighter half. The weak part that is. Ryou should have been the one sealed in the Ring back in Ancient Egypt. Not Bakura. I stared hard at my reflection in the mirror. I was beautiful, wasn't I? Wide, deep blue eyes, full kissable lips; perfect complexion and high cheekbones; my heart-shaped face framed lightly by black hair with shots of brown running through it.  
  
Why, then, did he choose that baka over me?   
  
I growled softly, snarling at my reflection as I walked out of the bathroom. As I walked down the halls I pulled my shirt front a little lower to reveal my ample assets as I peeked in through the door. Bakura was leaning over Ryou's unmoving form like some sort of avenging angel. Anger burned through out my soul.  
  
Where had I gone wrong? Had I not made him happy, had I not brought him enough pleasure in my bed.....had I not been there for him when his weakling Hikari had sealed himself in the Ring? Couldn't he see that Ryou's being gone was a blessing, his return was merely to complicate Bakura's free existence here.   
  
I felt my skin crawl suddenly and out of the corner of my eye I saw Malik walking toward me. He probably wanted to check in on Bakura. Hmp.  
I turned from the sickening scene within the bedroom and made my way into the living room, shaking my hips a little more then necacary as I walked. My fury slowly leaked away to be replaced with a sort of resigned sadness.   
  
It wasn't fair.  
  
I deserve him.   
  
I care about him, far more then his pathetic lighter half ever will.  
  
Abruptly I heard a knock on the door. Confusion crinkling my brow I rose and opened the door. There standing half shrouded in the darkness of the night was Yami and Yuugi. Crimson eyes bore through me, seeming to read my very soul and from the frown that darkened the once Pharaoh's lips he was not happy with what lay there.  
  
I glared at them, feeling a righteous anger fill me. Who is he to judge me? He stole Yuugi from me when he appeared to him, chances are that its his fault that Bakura may have fallen for his weakling other half. Yami brushed past me with a regal air, his hand clutching the slender one of Yuugi's with a possessive grasp.  
  
Overbearing bastard.  
  
My fall from grace came from him. Yuugi worshiped the very ground I walked upon before he came along. The only reason I got together with Bakrua was to make Yuugi jealous. My plan backfired horribly when Yami moved in and stole Yuugi's affection from me. A betrayle I will never ever forget.  
  
~The clock ticks life away   
Its so unreal  
Didn't look out below  
Watch the go right out the window  
Trying to hold but didn't even know how  
Wasted it all just to   
Watch you go  
I kept everything inside  
And even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it mean to me will eventually   
Be a memory of a time when I tried~  
  
I heard Malik enter the room, I felt my skin heat up at the sight of him. Bleached blonde hair gleamed in the light, amazing lavender eyes survaid the room as his musical voice entered the air. His every movement made my heart pound with attraction. The satisfaction I derived from being with his darker half was nothing, though, compared to being with Bakura. Nothing could top that. Ever.  
  
I turned and walked out of the room, as I heard Malik begin to explain the events of Ryou's return. I'd rather not have to hear about that worthless worm any more then I have to. The pitiful thing, always pulling some sort of sympathy from everyone. Oh, i'm poor little Ryou who is a spineless little wuss. Hmp.   
  
I peeked into the bedroom where Bakura kneels next to the bed where that whimp lays. From the angle i'm at I can see the tears that burn his eyes. How can he cry over him of all people? He's worthless, barely worth anyones time really. I turned away from the disgusting scene within and walked back into the living room.   
  
Instantly I noticed the black looks I was from both Yuugi and Yami. Apparently they knew of the way i'd been trying to keep Bakura and Ryou apart. Couldn't they see i'd been doing the right thing? Can't they see that Ryou and Bakura just aren't....right. Its wrong. Its simply not meant to be.  
  
Darkness and light. They don't go together, no matter what those two might wish to belive. Bakura and I on the other hand--its simply right. It fits. He and I belong together. Yami and Yuugi start to try and explain that Ryou loves Bakura and vice versa. That I shouldn't have tried to keep them apart....that I was standing in the way of destiny or some crap like that.  
  
Whatever.   
  
I spat a couple words of sneering cruelty at them, feeling a firm satisfaction as tears builded in Yuugi's eyes at my taunts. Still....I feel a pang of guilt at making him cry. I did love him once upon a time after all. But....what I felt for him is nothing compared to what I feel for Bakura. He and I are meant to be, why can't these snivelling fools see that?!  
  
Yami yelled a few words of fury at me. Saying I was a worthless whore who wasn't worth anyones time and that sending me to the Shadow Realm would be too kind a punishment. His words of my being a whore struck home though. I wasn't a whore....was I? Sure, I used my body to tempt many. Used it to control a man with my womanly wiles; and had slept with many a different man to get what I wanted--but that didn't make me a whore.   
  
How dare he try to threaten me anyway. I had stood by his and Yuugi's side during the entire quest to get Yuugi's Jii-chan back; and this is how they repay me? Screw them. Yelling a few very well chosen words about his 'manlinesss' and his stupid belief in the 'heart of the cards' and crap I tossed my head back and crossed my arms.  
  
Malik suddenly ordered me to leave. Me? Take orders from him? Not in a million life-times. As sleekly beautiful as Malik is, his beauty doesn't compare to that of his Yami's. Not that was a man who knew how to please a woman. After saying just as much I suddenly saw the hardened eyes of Yami Malik glaring back at me.  
  
The golden light of the Sennen Rod flashed and I suddenly found myself standing out on the cold doorstep of house. I banged and kicked at the door for a minute before finally giving up. For a reason I didn't understand I felt tears burn at my eyes. I walked around the house before coming to the window that would show the being of my affection leaning over his weakling other half.  
  
Ryou had just awoken apparently, the room was silent. The two simply staring at each other. The room cackled with tension though. Wether it was romantic or anger I didn't know. I turned and walked away, making my way through the blanked out streets of Domino.   
  
Where do I have to go now?  
  
~I Tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
To lose it all  
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter~  
  
~One thing I don't know why  
It doesn't even matter how hard you try  
Keep in mind I designed this rhyme  
To remind myself how   
I tried so hard~  
  
~In spite of the way you were mocking me  
Acting like I was part of your property  
Remembering all the times you've fought with me  
I'm surprised it got so far ~  
  
Its not fair.  
  
I've tried so hard...so very hard to get all that rightfully belonged to me only to have it ripped away. This wasn't how it was suppose to turn out. Not at all. I closed my eyes slightly as I walked into my house and up into my bedroom. Theres nothing left for me now. My so called 'friends' don't understand.  
  
They wouldn't understand if I shove it into the god-damned faces and tried to force them to see. I walked into the bathroom and started to fill up the tub with warm water. I watched as the steam rose into the air from the nearly over warm water. If I can't have Him, then my life simply isn't worth living.  
  
Nothings worth it without him. I tried so hard, didn't? Wasn't I caring enough? Wasn't I beautiful enough for him? I glanced up into the mirror. I hold no illusions about my own physical appearance. I'm hot, that it.   
  
They've all fought with me for so long, each one taking for granted my very presence. The bastards. I had done my best though, to change that. Show them all just how indispensable I am to their pathetic little group of social outcasts. I'm the only thing that kept them all from getting the crap beat of them every freakin' day.  
  
I'd known for a long time Yuugi's attraction to me. It was so very blindingly obvious. But, emotion is just a game. With Yuugi everything would be too real, I needed time to be free.....I waited too long though. Because then Yami came into the picture. Yami was Yuugi's full potential unleashed, his every action seductively perfect.  
  
But, Yami was untouchable. That's what made me want him so bad. Then I'd seen it, the hungry look of affection reserved for only one person: Yuugi. It angered me. Yuugi was mine. He would always be only mine. I loved his lavishing compliments. The feel of utter affection I basked in each day. I saw it being threatened.   
  
Then their was that weakling Ryou's Yami. Apparently he'd decided to make "peace" with the group he was more or less safe territory at the moment. The attraction I felt for Bakura then had been simple lust and a desire to make Yuugi jealous. To show him that if he didn't act now then I was going to be gone just like that.   
  
And I wanted to see a little bit of war over me.  
  
Theres no high like seeing two guys fight of me.   
  
~Things aren't the way they were before  
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore  
Not that you knew me back then  
But it all comes back to   
In the end   
You kept everything inside   
And even though I tried it all fell apart  
What it mean to me will eventually  
Be a memory of a time when I tried so hard~  
  
  
My plan backfired though and Yuugi ended up with Yami. They were so close, so very close to each other. Nothing I did could possibly break them apart. The mere realization made me angry. I threw myself into the relationship with Bakura, holding onto the blind hope that Yuugi would return and everything would go back to the way it was before.  
  
It didn't though.  
  
I knew then that Ryou had feelings for Bakura. I didn't care then, and I don't give a damn now really. Bakura was mine the minute I layed my eyes on him with interest. Ryou was just kinda...there.  
  
Then he did something to do us all a favor. He sealed himself away and Bakura fell into more or less a depression. It made it easier for me to get closer to him. I pulled him into me, doing my best to make myself into the dreams he desired. I'd of given him the stars to keep him with me and away from Ryou.  
  
I knew he cared about Ryou more then just as an Abiou. And I refused to lose anther man I wanted to the other half of his soul. I couldn't lose. So I moved in to his house with him to keep tabs on him and make sure he didn't think about Ryou too much. And for a long time, it seemed to work. It did work. Or at least I thought it did.   
  
Bakura was great for physical or talkative moments. Though as the relationship drew on I began to lose a little bit of interest in him. I'd staked my claim and gotten all I wanted and life was becoming a little dull. So I spiced it up, throwing myself into sexual relationships with nearly every guy I knew.  
  
I brought them pleasure and they in turn gave me gifts and permanent vows for any future problems I needed help in. Life was good. Then I'd finally decided to step up my game and try and tame Malik's Yami. Hell, if I could get one who's to say I couldn't have two.  
  
~I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall  
And lose it all  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter~  
  
Being with him was nearly as great as being with Bakura. Though Yami Malik had a thing for the rough style. Not that it mattered...a little pain only adds to the physical gratification. But then my little game went awry and I was caught red-handed in it. Kami-sama, the look of betrayle on his face.  
  
It hurt.   
  
For the first time it actually hurt me.  
  
Maybe it was love, maybe it was lust......I just knew I had to have him back. Bakura was MINE damn it, I couldn't let him get away. Then everything would change agine. I couldn't take another change. Change had never been good to me after all. So I went to him, and reclaimed him as my own. It wasn't that hard.  
  
A little bit of gentleness can do a lot really. I wanted him, so I toke him back. Using my years of an actress to an advantage I manipulated him into my bed once more. It was easy, and things were o.k. agine....or so I thought.   
  
With Bakura things were better, life was sweeter and more fast. He was a drug I couldn't get enough of. Ryou was out of the picture so I had nothing to worry about. I thought there was no chance for that weakling to return. I was wrong though......Looking back maybe I was simply over-confident.  
  
~I put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you should know~  
  
~I put my trust in you  
Pushed as far as I can go  
And for all this  
There's only one thing you should know~  
  
The pathetic little ingriet came back! Returned from the Ring. Spoiling my little world I had created. Everything I worked for fell apart the minute that white-haired freak came back.   
  
I growled softly, grabbing a razor from near the sink edge. I undressed quickly and lowered myself into the warm water, my flesh burning at the abrupt change in temperature. I've lost him now. Ryou's back and theirs nothing I can do to change it. I would simply kill the little wuss, however that would be killing Bakura and I could never do that.  
  
I loved Bakura, I think I do at least. I've never felt this way for any one before....ever. I chewed my bottom lip nervously, shifting the blade between my fingers.   
  
I could end it all now and then they'd all be sorry. Then they'd all fall apart. I'm the only thing that keeps them together, the only thing that keeps them all safe. The only thing in their pathetic lives that matter. Without me, they're nothing. NOTHING!  
  
I chuckled softly. So, this is the end. This is how it all turns out. Defiantly unexpected. Never the ending I thought I would have. Though, as long as they all suffer from my death I don't give a damn.  
  
And they will suffer, oh yes they will. When i'm gone they're all going to see. They're all going to understand the lengths I went to. Sad though that such a body as mine will me marred by blood and be buried beneath the ground. A face and body like mine going to such waste...its kinda sad really.   
  
Though, maybe if I'm gone Bakura will realize just how pathetic Ryou is and go back to his "punishments" he used to give Ryou. The little weakling needs a few good punches in the face and broken bones to teach him a lesson. Shame I won't be there to see the blood running through his hair and his cries of agony.  
  
I'd of enjoyed that really.   
  
Still, its better this way. Nothing matters now but the fact that they're all going to suffer from my death. I laughed insanely, loving the sound of my own voice vibrating off the walls. Yes, this is the right thing.  
  
I made a quick slash across my wrists before making a long cut up the vein to my elbows. Blissful pain that was nearly like ecstasy filled be as I relaxed fully in the warm water. Watching the water begin to take a pinkish tint as the blood spread through it. I wish I could see the look on their faces when they find my body.   
  
It'd be ever so amusing.  
  
But this is the end. Shame that all my hard work was for nothing...it was still fun as hell though. I felt a few tears make their way down my cheeks. I really have fallen far haven't I? I'm committing suicide in a tub for goodness sake. Doubt and fear begin to cloud my thoughts as I jumped out the tub abruptly, feeling suddenly weak and dizzy. I ran out of the bathroom, fumbling with the lock furiously.  
  
Its the end for me now maybe...but...i'm not...i'm not ready...yet...am I?  
  
I stumbled out of the bathroom, tripping and falling onto the plush carpeting as I went. I layed there, my breathing slowly steadying from the harsh panic that it had been in a moment before. What did it matter? Why was I still fighting? Nothing mattered now. It was better to let go....right?  
  
Yes, this is the smart thing. The right thing. Nothing matters now. That was my last thought as my thoughts fell into a blissful oblivion.  
  
~I tried so hard  
And got so far  
But in the end  
It doesn't even matter  
I had to fall and lose it all  
But in the end   
It doesn't even matter~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Ugh, I can't belive I wrote that...But for some weird reason I felt that Anzu kinda needed her p.o.v. shown. I really hate her character, but I felt her small little tidbit of this story needed to be told....the next chappie will be in Ryou-chan's p.o.v. though I promise^_~ 


	6. If Looks Could Kill

A.n.-I know most of you are hopeing for the happy ending to come in this chapter, but....sorry folks life ain't that easy and nor will this fic's ending be....^_^I hope you all like the chappie though and don't forget to review^_^  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "If Looks Could Kill"by heart.  
  
  
Dedication-CrystalDraygon98, SpirtGuardian, Vampire Huntress D, Renee the Rabid Squirrel, Tohru, Memo, Kako, Ilay, Asian Angel 12, Liana, Luunatic Lisa (LL, KaTyA, Itooshii-chan, Bronze Eagle, AnimeQueen, and SliverLaugh1155. Domo Arigatou Minna!!^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Caught you in the act  
Can't put up with that  
Messing where you shouldn't be  
I wanna hear you say you're sorry  
'Cause nobody takes advantage of me~  
  
~You're missing the mark  
Shooting in the dark  
I'm pulling the wool from my eyes  
Baby don't you push me further  
Its gonna hurt you if it happens twice~  
  
Anger boiled through my blood as I stared up at my darker half. Fury has always been a somewhat foreign emotion to me. It takes a lot to really work me up into a rage. But for the first time in a long time I felt the undeniable fire of anger burning through out my soul diminishing all other emotion.  
  
Still.......I loved him. I do. I always will....but seeing him that way.....seeing him laying in the bed sated after being with ANZU.....it hurt so much....  
  
I felt tears welling in my eyes but I shoved them down firmly and rose out of the bed, desperate to put as much distance between him and I as possible. Obviously he wanted to be with her and my presence was a burden. Since returning to the Ring was no longer possible I had to try and fade away.  
  
The bitter taste of rejection rested on my tongue. Anger and sadness flying through me at a hyper speed. I clinched my hands into fists and composed myself to the best of my ability before turning to face him. I will be strong. I will not weaken and collapse to the floor in crying misery.   
  
He smiled somewhat nervously, his eyes locked so firmly on me as though I would disappear at the first provocation. If that was possible I probably would. But that would be weak, and for once in my pitiful existence weakness isn't a problem for me. Maybe its the cold hard clarity anger has always given me but I feel alive, I feel strong, I feel malevolent fire of rage boiling through out my body. Engulfing me completely  
  
"Hikari.....I....."he trailed off, his features twisting in confusion at the look of pure murder I was sure I was giving him.   
  
It felt good, for some strange reason. I loved him, but I wanted him to feel what I felt. Wanted him to feel the soul-burning agony that was slowly ripping me to pieces. My heart was dead, long since gone. The image of him and her are forever burned within my mind. A memory I will never forget. Cannot forget...and I'm not sure if I can forgive it. Maybe--with time....but....it was becoming hard to think clearly.   
  
All I could feel was pain. All I could sense was betrayle. Not even the bare feeling of his soul intertwined with my own could take away the utter blinding pain that ripped through me. For the completeness I felt was a perpetual reminder of what I most likely will never have as my own. But that didn't matter right now.  
  
All that mattered was the ship of my patience and my very soul had just begun to sink with his daring to just call me "hikari". A single, simple word that wasn't so simple. A word that held memories of pain and anguish, of secrets buried down so deep it makes me want to scream. The thick wall I've always kept up between me and the world was feeling hot and suffocating. Emotions I have choked down or hadn't really felt rising so hard within me.  
  
Vengeance sung in my veins. Hate and anger poisoned my every sense as I felt my body tense with the rage that was eating me up from inside out.   
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be lying on the floor  
You'd be begging me please please  
Baby, don't hurt me no more~  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be reeling from the pain  
And you'd never lie again  
If looks could kill~  
  
He swallowed hard, taking a step toward me, I didn't move. I glared at him with all the strength I could muster in me. Which at the moment was no trivial force to be reckoned with.   
  
"Abiou--"  
  
"Don't you dare call me that."I snapped, I felt a little pride that my voice showed the anger I felt and didn't waver in the slightest.  
  
He raised a single white eyebrow, the passiveness I membered from when he used to beat the hell out of me coming into play at my harsh tone.  
  
"Fine."he said simply,"I know your angry...I can feel it. But, onegai, we need to talk about this--"  
  
"Talk?!"I chocked out a broken, empty laugh,"Talk about what? The fact that your with her? That my return complicates everything?! Well, I don't want to talk. I want you to get the hell out. Now."  
  
My demand was meant with empty silence. I could tell from the complex emotions on his face that he was getting angry...but also confused. In the past I had always feared inspiring such emotions in him. Knowing that only pain would come of it--mainly on me physically and mentally.  
  
But I didn't care right now. Not in the slightest. Fury builded so strongly in me, giving me strength I have never truly possessed in my entire life. I felt alive, my skin sensitive to the very brush of the air. My anger blocking out all other senses while at the same time lifting them to heights unimaginable to most.  
  
I wasn't afraid, I wasn't weak. I was a fearless warrior with my words as my mightiest weapon. And I wasn't afraid to go in for the kill.  
  
~You're living on the edge  
Hangin' by a thread  
I'm watching every move you make  
You don't want to see my anger  
So don't you make another mistake~  
  
~Love is on the line  
I ain't about to be kind  
Thats a promise and a threat  
You don't want to see my anger  
If I was you I'd really cool it  
Or risk a night you'll never forget~  
  
"Ryou, don't be a baka. We need to talk so stop acting like a complete moron and listen to me!"he yelled, frustration clear in his voice.  
  
I wasn't about to be swayed though. I'd been played a fool more or less. I'd given him my heart, my devotion, everything that I had but it would never be enough. It couldn't be enough. I stole a glance at myself in my mirror not far away. Sadness washed over me, nearly drowning the intense fury that flowed through me.  
  
In comparison to Anzu I looked nothing less then a washed out little child with nothing. Long raggedy white hair, milk-white skin and wide plain brown eyes. Not exactly an head-turner. About the only thing that drew attention was my white hair, a momentary distraction until something better came up really.  
  
I was sick of standing by. Tired of having my heart ripped out and stamped upon. I suppose the old-age saying is true then. 'The ones we love are the ones that hurt us the most.' Words, meaningless simple words that can't make a difference in any way. I have nothing to offer, while Anzu has much.  
  
She's a startling beauty who made him happy even before and after I was sealed in the Ring. I'm far from any competition. Solid ground had left me to a depthless abyss where there was no shining light to guide me. There was no happy ending at the end for me, despite the fact that the fairy tales always said true love concurs all.   
  
I guess the writers never toke a long hard look at reality. Because its not that simple. But then, no one ever said that life was easy.  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be lying on the floor  
You'd be begging me please please  
Darlin' don't hurt me no more~  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be reeling from the pain  
And you'd never lie again  
If looks could kill~  
  
I noticed that through out my abrupt musing I hadn't been paying enough attention to my surroundings and my Yami had moved closer to me. A couple of arm away to be exact. I could smell the spicy crimson scent that always had clung to him. Those same smooth, diamond hard at first glance brown eyes stared at me; seeing into my very soul and stripping me of my every defence.  
  
I love him. I hate him. I want him. I need him. I want him gone. I want him to leave. So many contradicting emotions sung through my blood, crowding my thoughts making it complicated on what to choose. I clung to my anger, I clung to the negative emotions spiraling out of control within my body.   
  
"Get away from me."I growled, pushing as much vengeance and liquid fire into my voice as possible.  
  
"Damnit, Ryou, stop being so friggin' difficult and sit your ass down so we can talk!"he yelled, patience has never been my darker halves virtue.   
  
I pushed him as hard as I could, he stumbled back a few steps mostly out of surprise I belive. Or maybe my anger had given me more strength then I thought. Either way, the torrent waves of fury had taken me and there was no way to break the binding spell they wove so firmly around me. And if I could, I don't think I would.   
  
I was a fool, a fool to belive and hang onto the dream that one day i'd be with him. That he would ever leave Anzu for the likes of me. Worthless, tattered dreams with no truth in them. I'd treated his very attention to me like precious gems thrown at my feet. I couldn't take it any more. Couldn't take the obvious rejection, the fact that I'll never be good enough.  
  
It hurt, it really did. People say I've enough patience and forgiveness in me to forgive the most fallen evil beings in the world. They say that because I didn't hold a grudge against my Yami for beating the hell out of me all the time. Pressure builds and builds though and in the end one can only take so much.  
  
Seeing him there, with HER....that was it. The final straw that broke that camels back, as they say. I'm no saint, despite what they belive. I'm the most tainted of the damned. The light that once dwelled in my heart has grown duller and duller with time and I doubt it still shines. How can it when my heart has been ripped from my chest?  
  
I glared at my Yami with all the broken hatred and anger I could flush into me. Which at the moment was a lot. For a single second I felt pain shoot through me, pain that I dared push him away when I love him so much. When all I really want is to be with him i'm shoving him away...but I can't take it anymore. I can't take being the second fiddle to someone like Anzu. I can't.   
  
I can see right through him now. He doesn't love me now and he never will. Perhaps he cares for me to the extent that should I die so shall he, cares for me only as the fact that i'm the other half of his soul and apart neither of us can truly survive. Maybe i'm still a child in his eyes, a foolish baka child to be watched at all times.  
  
Screw that.   
  
~I was a fool to believe in you  
A sucker for every line  
I'm a little less blind  
Than I was before  
I can see right through design~  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be lying on the floor  
You'd be begging me please plese  
Darlin' don't hurt me no more  
  
"Stay away from me. I hate you."I said, my voice trembled at the last word to my disgust.  
  
I do hate him....don't I? Yes....it'll make it easier on him and me if everyone believes I hate him. I hurt though...to say it aloud. To see the utter agony flash through his eyes at those simple three words. I love him, but I can't take this any more. If cruelty will help keep such emotions as these away then I will embrace it fully. I have no other choice. None.   
  
"No you don't."he said simply, his voice cracking slightly.   
  
I was surprised to say the least. My Yami's voice had only held that tone when he had begged my forgiveness that one starry night when he'd come home from his 'talk' with Malik's Yami. Confusion seeped through the blind anger that had filled me. Sadness was welling in me, choking me actually.   
  
How could this be? I had hurt him. I'd done it. Revenge is just as bitter as they say. I gathered what remained of my pride and tried to meet his gaze with a firm front. I can't falter now....I can't....I have to be strong....for this one moment I have to stand tall--I've no other choice really.   
  
I've pulled the wool from my eyes, I'm a little less blind to the foolish hope he can ever love me. He can't love me. I've given him no real reason to. I squared my shoulders and narrowed my eyes in what I hoped was a good impression of his passive cruelty from when the Ring first fell into my hands.  
  
"Don't I?"My voice didn't tremble this time, but remained strong and fearless. Foolish, damnable pride flushed through my senses.   
  
It was like a high really. This feeling of power that filled me so completely. Warding off all my vulnerabilities to the very fullest. Nothing could touch me, nothing could hurt me.....nothing.  
  
But....that look on his face. Now that did hurt. It was like being run through with a rusty sword. His expression was that of a man without hope, without cause, without any thing.  
  
Then I saw it. A subtle darkening in his features. His eyes becoming hard and cruel like glossy brown gems. Unfeeling and cold, no compassion layed in those eyes I looked into. He moved forward with surprising speed and the only thing I saw was his hand coming down before fiery sharp pain exploded across my face.  
  
I stumbled back, falling flat on my butt as I stared up with wide eyes. Power fled me leavening bare the simple, spineless child I have always been. Tears welled in my eyes as I stared up at him. Despertly I fought to reclaim the anger that had given me such confidence, such strength. Nothing came. I was lost now. Maybe forever.  
  
I touched my cheek gently, scrounging up my scattered defenses enough to glare hard at him.  
  
"I hate you. I hate you...I-I-I hah-ha-hate yah-you!!!"I screamed loudly, my voice cracking with weakness. With fear. With vulnerability.   
  
He didn't even flinch. His features hard as marble as he stared unfeeling down at me. My screamed words falling upon deaf ears and blind eyes.  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be reeling from the pain  
And you'd never lie again  
If looks could kill~  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be lying on the floor  
You'd be begging me please plese  
Darlin' don't hurt me no more~  
  
He kneeled next to me, his eyes a steely brown as he searched my own. I could feel his mind prodding mine even as I threw up my mental shields as high as they could go. Knowing vacantly that he would find a way past them eventually. I wasn't ready to go down without a fight though. I can't....  
  
I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks though I paid them no heed, I simply glared at him with all my battered strength. failure and weakness was no longer an option. No longer an option....  
  
Sobs were trying to burst their way from my chest. I was fighting a losing battle. My fury had fled, leavening only emence sorrow in its wake. I didn't hate him. I loved him more then words....but i'd hurt him. Guess this proves just how much I don't deserve him. How much I never deserved him.  
  
He grabbed my chin with his hand, his fingers feeling hard bone. He crushed his lips dominatingly against mine. Bruising hard force against my own lips as he forced his tongue into my mouth. Tasting. Taunting. Teasing. Proving just who was the stronger one. More tears rolled down my cheeks as he pulled away, his eyes still that cold unfeeling brown that I knew from so long ago.  
  
I shrunk back away from him, feeling an old-age fear from long ago rising within me. He simply stooped over and lifted an unresisting me into his arms. I cringed in his arms, yet I leaned into his warmth. My eyes suddenly felt heavy, my body feeling drained of all real strength. I slowly slumped in his arms. Vaugly feeling a few more tears make their way down my cheeks as the abyss of sleep rose to claim me.   
  
The last thing I knew before I succumbed to the siren song of sleep was the feel of something cold and wet splashing on my forehead just as darkness embraced me fully....  
  
~If looks could kill  
You'd be reeling from the pain  
And you'd never lie again  
If looks could kill~  
  
~If looks could kill~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Well, what did you all think? Didja like it?? Please review....and I'll have the next chappie up soon.....your reviews are what motivate me actually....so the more reviews the sooner I'll have the next chappie! Also, for those of you who think Ryou-chan acted OCC just now...remember, everyone has a temper/breaking point n' such... 


	7. Alone

A.n.-And we have another chappie^_^I'm happy you all liked the last chappie, and yes.... I was sad when I typed the part about Ryou-chan hating Bakura-chan too...and WOW! 90 REVIEWS?! Hehe, ty everyone!!^_^_^_^  
  
also, arigatou Cayenne for the idea...but I think I remember reading a fic a while back where that happened and also.... I doona know if I have the heart to do that to Ryou-chan....and thanks Draggy for the song idea...I'll hafta remember that one^_^  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Alone" by Heart.  
  
  
Dedication-Miya-Miya, Cayenne, Draggy, Bronze Eagle, Lunatic Lisa (LL, CrystalDragon98, Spirt Gaurdian, Freydra, Kako, AnimeQueen, Moosenogger, Vampire Huntress D, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Moshi, Tohru, --NC--, Ilay, Physco Mime, Asian Angel 12, Taito-Kisses, Katya, and No Name. Domo arigatou minna!!!^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~I hear the ticking of the clock  
I'm laying here the room's pitch dark  
I wonder where you are tonight  
No answer on the telephone~  
  
~And night goes by so very slow  
Oh I hope that it won't end though  
Alone~  
  
The velvet blanket of stars above me seemed to gleam mockingly down at me. I was currently laying on the rooftop of the house, trying to get away from everyone and everything. I closed my eyes as the memory of my Hikari's words of hatred rung clear in my mind. Frozen tears invaded my eyes as I ruthlessly rubbed them away.   
  
No pain devised by Ra himself could equel the soul burning agony currently poisoning my very essence. My hand stung like fire, the feel of Ryou's satin skin slapping against it still ringing hard and true. I closed my eyes against the brilliance of the night sky and aloud the tears I'd tried to hold back run harshly down.  
  
I never asked for this.  
  
I never asked to love my silver haired Hikari. All I wanted long ago was simply power, then I meet him and that all changed. He stumbled into my existence and the harsh edges of the world that had been so prominent to me before softened. Everything I thought I knew was turned upside-down.   
  
I hurt him, yes, but then again I was afraid of the changes he brought. And now, after all this time, when he's become so important to me I find myself regressing back to the animal I was to him before? It appears I really haven't changed as much as I thought. My old defense systems are up and running as always.  
  
I hate this. I hate this feeling inside of me. I hate this...weakness festering through out me. I loathe this utter feeling of pathetic helplessness that rivets through my soul. I've always made my way through the world on my own, not giving a damn who I killed or stepped on to get what I wanted.   
  
Emotion was a fatal weakness I never allowed myself to grasp 'till I meet him. And everything changed. Everything. He ripped my world to a thousand pieces with but a glance, and I'd broken him down to keep him away. Then Yami Malik showed me I didn't have to fear him, didn't have to hide my feelings because he would never hurt me.  
  
Lies.   
  
Such bitter lies I embraced. Fool hardy thing I'd held so dear.   
  
{"I-I-I Hah-hate yah-you!!"}  
  
So clear the remembrance. His voice so very cruel, not the soft almost halting way of speaking I knew so very well. In an instant the Ryou I've known for these long years were gone. Replaced with a careless rage filed being that had only belonged to...well, me in the past. I'd used anger and bitter hatred as my shield then.  
  
Used it to ward of all my pain and every emotion. It was a high really, that power. But at such a price...Regret seeped from the words said after ward. Though usually a stop at the local Domino bar had helped me with that. But my Hikari wasn't a drinker. Never had been, most likely would never be one either. He's too innocent for that...  
  
I sighed closing my eyes tightly. I'd let my emotions get the better of me during the confrontation though. But...I couldn't take it. Couldn't take hearing those words and the blind, naive rage in his eyes. I'd waited for so long to tell him how I felt and he was acting like a jackass. My anger had lead me to take the first defense it saw against the overwhelming emotion threaten to drown me.  
  
I'd lashed out.  
  
The feel of his skin hitting my hand again, the way his eyes had paled from that burning fury and those tears.... those silver tears that had slipped down his face....  
  
He looked so tragically beautiful. A true fallen angel. So flawed and so flawless. Being so close to him...I'd finally given into temptation and crushed my lips against his. Tasting for a minute the paradise that was him.   
  
Desire still flared in my blood even now from that brief touch of his lips. So sweet. Just as sweet as I'd imagined for so long. And here I am. Sitting on top of the freakin' roof without him. Ra, this wasn't the way it was suppose to happen damnit! I growled angrily, whipping my tears away furiously as I sat up and lean my arms over my knees.  
  
Perfect, blissful fury still colored my system vengefully. My hand itching to touch his face again. To make him see just how much I care about him. The fact that I really care is surprising enough in itself. Its been a long time since I've even *allowed* myself this sort of attachment to any other being.  
  
He'd tossed me away now though, like a crushed rose.   
  
Hurt and anger boiled through my mind. A uniquely blind clarity bursting through me. I want him; I love him...yet he hates me. Or does he really? The words were spoken in anger.... but that doesn't make them untrue. Often in the thrall of any intense emotion the truth shines harsh and true.   
  
Did he hate me, truly?  
  
~Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you   
And now it chills me to the bone  
How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone~  
  
Such a bitter irony. I've pined away for him for all these months, using Anzu as my shield as I waited for him. And now, here he is. Right before me. And yet, he hates me. Though I guess I can't really blame him for his anger. He did have to catch me in bed with the whore.... Speaking of her where is she? Hmp probably found some other poor soul to dig her poison claws into. Not that I care, as long as she stays the hell away from Ryou and me.  
  
I'm sure a few of my Cards would *love* to make her acquaintance after all...  
  
I sighed, shoving the thought away. As fun as it would be to feed her to the Man Eating Bug, I'd rather not waste my energy or risk Ryou ending up hating me any more. Though from the look that had been in his eyes I don't think that is possible. I closed my eyes briefly, before rising and stretching my sore muscles.   
  
Dawn would be approaching soon. I'd nearly spent the whole night just...lying here...thinking on and on. Maybe it would be better for Ryou if *I* were to seal myself into the Ring or better yet keep my form outside of him and simply leave. Just...disappear.   
  
Perhaps that would be best. Solve his problems and my own just like that. Why does my heart ache at such a decision? Maybe because I'll never see his sweet smile at me again, something I'll never see again no matter what so it doesn't matter. Maybe its that if I leave he'll never know how I feel...and I'll never know if he really meant he hated me or if...maybe...just maybe.... he feels about me how I feel for him.  
  
Oh, who am I trying to fool? My Aibou hates me. The end.   
  
And to think I was finaly going to tell him this very night too, of my feelings. Only to have the chance ripped away before the words had even left my lips. I laughed harshly into the night air. So this is how it all ends. Me without him, even when he's so close. And I've obtained the one thing no one ever thought possible: Ryou's hatred.  
  
The thought was like being doused with freezing water and then being run through with a rusty blade why they were at it. Cold shock, blinding pain in each.  
  
I've made it thousands of years alone. Why should a single, weakling boy's opinion matter to me? Why? Perhaps it has something to do with his being the other half of my soul. My Hikari. My Aibou. He's everything I've always wanted.... everything. What I feel for him by far transcends any emotion. Running deeper then even that.  
  
Together we're balance, apart we're nothing. How can I bring myself to leave his side then? Risk leavening him bare to a malicious world that would try to strip him of his innocence.... No. No one touches what is mine ever. They so much as make a tear fill those glories chocolate brown eyes and they won't live to repeat the error.  
  
I've a penchant for torture that they'll get to experience up-close and personal.  
  
So protective, aren't I of him? Ironic that as well. He hates me, and I'd give anything to make sure he's happy. Such a bitter realization really. I clinched my hands into fists, anger flushing through my system suddenly. Anger has always been a loved emotion to me. For the briefest seconds it touches me I can forget everything else and simply...forget.  
  
I slipped in through the window and slunk through the hallways until I found Ryou's room. I'd no desire to see Yami Malik or the Pharaoh at the moment. My mind is too scattered to even attempt to listen to one of their plans on how I should go about this dilemma. Dilemma. That's a funny word for this situation I've been thrust into.  
  
I shut the door silently behind me, walking over to his bed. His silver hair was spread around his tear-marred face with a loving vale. His pale features seemed whiter then before, though no less beautiful. I reached out a hand and trailed it down his cheek. Surprisingly he smiled in his sleep and moved into my hand.  
  
In an instant I snatched my hand away as though burned. Perhaps I was. Burnt by his careful touch. At the mere fact that he accepts me in his sleep but not when he was awake.  
  
~You don't know how long I have wanted  
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh  
You don't know how long I have waited~  
  
~And I was going to tell you tonight  
But the secret is still my own  
And my love for you is still unknown  
Alone~  
  
I swallowed hard, whispered a goodbye as I walked over to his window. With a quick motion I flipped it open and climbed out. For both our sakes I'd disappear. I can't stay here anymore. Can't live with the echoes of events I'm less then proud of and desire more then anything to forget or change. I'm not leavening him completely anyway. I'd keep a block up between our minds but not our souls, I'd watch over him from afar like the guardian I never measured up to being.  
  
And if anyone, and I means anyone, tried to hurt him then they'd face my wrath.  
  
For now though, he'd be fine. He had the Pharaoh and my old Tomb Raiding friend watching over him. One couldn't ask for a stronger protection then that. I turned and walked off, barely registering the shots of blood red and orange that shot through the sky like lightning as the sun rose into bloom.   
  
A beginning of a new day; of new beginnings and the end to others. I've gotten by for a long time on my own. The future hasn't changed that much from the past. It's still a cutthroat survival of the strongest food chain. You fight you life, you don't you die. Simple as that. I'd get myself a place to live for the time being and then I'd just.... I don't know what I'll do really.  
  
I need time to think. Time to be away. Time to sort this Ra-damned new beginning. Shaking my head slightly I walked on until I came to a run-down part of Domino. Several houses lined the area; mostly every window had a break in it somewhere. The stench of the olden world I'd lived in filled the air.   
  
Relaxation seeped through me. I could handle this kind of place. It was like home to me anymore. My eyes became half-lidded as I headed toward one of the apartment buildings. Yami Malik and his Hikari used to live here when they first came to Domino on their quest for revenge. They'd moved out in the middle of Battle City though, around the time peace was made between all of us and the Pharaoh.   
  
Yami Malik and his Aibou had moved in with Isis and had left the apartment vacant with a majority of their things inside. They said they hadn't felt like moving everything out and that they still had a lot of stuff at Isis's anyway. It was a perfect place for me to lay low for a while. They'd never guess I was staying there in the first place. I'd rarely visited it after all. I walked into the building with my eyes half-lidded, idly noticing a middle-aged man at the counter who shrunk back in his seat as I walked in. Spineless baka.  
  
Ignoring him completely I walked over to the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. My stomach lurched uncomfortably as the device toke off. I'd never felt safe riding in these modern day contraptions. But then again I didn't really feel like climbing those endless stairs either.  
  
The doors reopened and I walked out into the empty hallway. I quickly found the door I needed and opened the door gently. I switched on the lights to find that the apartment hadn't changed in the slightest--aside from a little dust here and there it looked the same as when Yami Malik and his Hikari had lived here.  
  
Despite that it was obvious that no one had entered here in a few months at best. The air was slightly stale, smelling faintly of the pine sol that Malik had used constantly to clean the apartment. The blonde Egyptian had the strangest little obsession with keeping everything perfectly clean...  
  
I shook my head slightly and flopped down on the couch, idly shoving of my shoes as I lay there. My back ached, my eyes feeling like heavy metal slates.   
  
~Till now I always got by on my own  
I never really cared until I met you  
And now it chills me to the bone~  
  
~How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone~  
  
I'm so tired. So tired of fighting, so tired of pretending, so friggin' tired of everything! I can't take this anymore. I really don't think I can. All this...pretending...all this fighting...all these games...meh, to think I used to *enjoy* mind games.... though none of them had ever been on this level.... and I really don't want to play any more.  
  
Too much...this is so...frustrating shimatta! I can't.... I just....  
  
I growled angrily, fiercely whipping away tears that were fast beginning to form. I won't cry. I won't. I've had enough sniveling weakness out of myself for one day. I don't need to add even more shame to myself. Rising from the couch I walked toward the bathroom and shrugged off my clothes.   
  
Quickly I turned on the water and stepped in. Cold water splashed my face and my body. I jumped out of reflex, though my senses were to drain to really respond to it. Vacantly I turned the other knob to make the water a little warmer. Shinning down I sat down in the tub, pulling my knees to my chest and allowing the water to run over my back.  
  
It felt good...so good...a liquid massage over my tense body.  
  
I rested my head on my knees, my thoughts scattered and divided between trying to be angry with Ryou for being difficult and brining me to this, for his simple existence which had brought me to my knees. And the other half which screamed for me to return, sit him down and lay it clean out that I loved him more the anything....  
  
I sighed and hugged my knees closer to my chest. My eyes burned and the next thing I knew my tears were rolling down to mix with the water. Time passed, holding no real meaning to me. Eventually the water began to get cold again and I was forced to turn it off. I choked back any more tears that threatened to spill forth.  
  
I shouldn't cry.   
  
Not for this. I'm...still invulnerable like I was back then. I won't let this get to me. I won't let this bring me down damnit! I have...I have to be strong...its that simple really.   
  
This...weakness isn't an option any more. All I have to do now is watch after Ryou and make sure no one tries to take advantage of him. That's my only purpose anymore. Such a bitter thing that. I can watch him all I like but can never touch. Never dare. He's mine, he is...but I can never have him.  
  
A rude thought. Such a horrible one at that. In the past I've never hesitated to take what is mine and strike down whatever force dares to stand in my way. But this is different. So very different. I have to let him go, it'll be better that way for both of us...mostly me...since I can't live feeling this way.  
  
I can't live each day knowing he hates me when I love him so much.... so very much.  
  
I laughed suddenly, the manicle sound bounced off the walls, which only caused me to laugh harder. Another twist to add to this pathetic little thing...that he probably felt this way when I used to smack him around a bit. He probably felt just like this...without the loving part. I stood slowly, a hysterical grin on my face as I grabbed my clothes off the floor and re-dressed despite the fact I was just getting my clothes wet.  
  
So this is Ra's punishment. Showing me just how much I had hurt him, showing me in every way and deeper how he had felt. The emotionality of it all cried out loudly to me as I stumbled back into the living room and collapsed on the couch. In an instant I drifted away from everything and into a dream where reality and gods didn't matter and my heart's desire was my own...........  
  
  
~How do I get you alone  
How do I get you alone~  
  
~Alone, Alone~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n-^_^I hope ya'all liked it...I'd say this fic has about three chapters left....what d'ya all think......a happy ending.....or......a sad ending? Lemme know!^_^also, to Miya-Miya, ty for *not* flaming me:) 


	8. Walking On The Edge

A.n.-Mm, I know ya'all are expecting Ryou-chan's p.o.v.... an' I really did start to try n' type it.... but I ended up with Ishtal's (Malik's Yami) p.o.v. Instead...I hope ya'all like it all the same. About two more chappies left...not counting the epilogue I'm thinking' of writing. I've decided on the ending to this fic already, but I'm going to leave ya guessen' a lil' longer^_~. I know...I'm evil...  
  
And WOW! 116 REVIEWS??!?!?!??! Lol, ty all of you^_^when I first wrote this fic I never thought it would go this far...arigatou all of you!!:)I hope ya'all like this chapter as much as the ones before it!^_^_^_^  
  
The clock is ticking down...two chapters left...*dun-dun-dun*^_~  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Walking On The Edge" by Scorpions  
  
Dedication-AnimeQueen, BlackFire, Todokanunegai, Tohru, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Moshi, Kako, Spirt Guardian, Sincere Angel, Jaguarkitty2006, Draggy, KaTyA, Miya-Miya, G.O.C, --NC--, Angel-Belle, Fire .Master .Skye, Crystaldraygon98, No Name, Alexk9, Asian Angel 12, StarKitty, and Vampire Huntress D. Arigatou Minna!!!^_^_^Your reviews really really meant a lot to me!!^_^_^_^_^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Welcome to a trip  
Into my hurt feelings  
To the center of my soul  
You better bring light   
To find the house of meanings~  
  
~In the labyrinth of yes or no  
For you, life is just like chess  
If you don't make a move  
You'll lose the game like this~  
  
I walked silently down the hallways of Ryou and Bakura's home. The feel of Shadow magic and the echoes of a past engraved forever in time riveted through the very air. Stifling out nearly every other sense.   
  
I felt helpless, more or less. I won't deny that a majority of this mess belongs to me. Mess.... funny way to describe this I suppose.   
  
Bakura has changed so much though, and yet to little from the way he was back...back in Ancient Egypt. Oh sure, he's still the same cutthroat, get-in-my-way-and-I'll-kill you sort of person. Sure he's still has that wicked sense of humor and is as dark as night where it counts. He wasn't an angel back then, he sure as hell isn't one now.... but there's a difference from then and now.  
  
There was always this...un-satiable hunger in Bakura. This...drive behind everything he did. He desired power then, he loved messin' with anyone who thought they were high 'n mighty. Such as the Pharaoh for one. Why do you think he robbed all those tombs with me? It wasn't just the money or fame; it was the high of it all. Avoiding death at every turn, escaping the shackles of slavery that had bound us both once upon a time.  
  
But even that isn't the entire story. He was always looking for something. Searching for something that even he didn't know about. Looking back I suppose I was searching for the same thing he was. What was it you ask? Our other halves. The same thing everyone wants really. Deep down there's not a single person in this world or any other that doesn't search for the other half of their soul.  
  
Its engrained deep within, it's screaming inside of you for the blending bliss only your other can give. When he and I found the Sennen Ring and Rod we didn't know what exactly the Shadow Powers inside of the Items would do. Didn't know where it would lead us. Didn't give a damn really. That insatiable hunger in us drove us to use the Powers for our own strife. And in the end we were sealed inside the Items of Power that had drove us to such madness.  
  
Ironic that.  
  
The very thing that had brought us power unimaginable to most was our demise.  
  
How poetic an end I suppose.  
  
It doesn't really matter anymore though. Time has passed, staying for none. And I'm here, and everything--and I mean everything--has changed. That aching incompleteness has been filled.... filled so blissfully that everything else can go to hell and truthfully I won't give a damn. Selfish a thought perhaps that is, but ever so true.  
  
I sighed, suddenly feeling as old as the years that had passed while I was locked in that infernal Rod weighing heavily over me. I stopped abruptly in front of Ryou's room. I ran my fingers lightly over the cold doorknob. Bakura didn't allow anyone to enter this room after Ryou sealed himself. No one was to enter it and the second anyone even stopped next to it he or she usually had a sharp object thrown at them.  
  
When he'd been with Anzu he hadn't even allowed her to come near the room. Had put new locks on it that even I'd have trouble getting past all to keep her and everyone else out. I knew even then the truth. That he loved his Hikari more then anything and was angry, confused, depressed, and even...hurt by Ryou's leavening.   
  
Funny that. No one would have ever believed anything could hurt Bakura. It's almost hard for me to believe, but then again the only reason I see how deep it runs is because I know exactly where it stems from. From a deeply buried secret from so long ago...so very long ago...from when Bakura and I first really meet up truly.  
  
I meet up with him when I was around twelve years (he was the same) I was receiving one of more numerous punishments from one of the more hentai guards. My body had felt like it was on fire, every patch of skin screamed with an agony beyond mortal comprehension. I wanted to die; the revelation was a familiar one though. Ra hadn't been fond of me much back then anyway though, some how someway I always ended up living.  
  
I was a slave; my mother had died when I was around three years of age. My father had hated me from the second I had appeared into this world. Angry about having yet another mouth to fed. He drank now and then, when he could get his hands on some form of liquor that is. In my early years I had learned to stay away from my father as often as possible--or risk a wrath worse then angry Imperial Guards.  
  
I was a slave; I meant little or nothing to anyone in the world but one person. My mother. My loving, beautiful lavender-eyed mother. She'd been so very beautiful. Despite the harsh hours in the sun, the gruesome work and beatings when she defied anyone to save me from my blunders she was so lovely.   
  
Her hair had been a deep golden blonde; none could best her beauty. No Empress no royalty in all of Egypt could match her loveliness in my eyes. She had comforted me when bad dreams and over come me, had held me close when I'd cried from when other children had teased me. She had never called me weak or pathetic or a dog or a bastard. She loved me more then anything. Other children my age and above always said that the man who called himself--reluctantly--was not my real father. I hadn't believed them, but looking back I know now it was true. I look nothing like that beast that called himself my father. And I'm Ra thankful for it.   
  
As much as I loved my mother she too left me, left my like most did in a harsh world where you had to fight to survive in a life that wasn't really worth it. Her memory got me through most starving, pain filled nights. Her soft voice sung me a lullaby in my mind when I couldn't sleep. I loved her and I hated her for leaving me all alone.   
  
On the anniversary of her death my father had drunk more then usual the night before and I had made the mistake of accidentally burning our dinner. I'll never forget that night. The way his eyes had been so wild and infuriated with a bitter tangible hatred. The feeling of his hands over my body as they inflicted pain unimaginable.   
  
I loathed him. Loathed him more then anything, and deep down that hatred still burns a bright inextinguishable fire for what he did for me. He made me so weak that night. It was because of him that I was barely able to do any of the work they were having us doing. His fault that I was given thirty lashes and nearly rapped by one of the more hentai guards.  
  
But then, if I hadn't I would have never meet Bakura. Would have never been saved from the hellish pit by him. Maybe it was fate, but it still hurt like hell...but in the end...I believe it was worth it if it lead me here.  
  
~In the labyrinth of yes or no  
For you, life is just like chess  
If you don't make a move  
You'll lose the game like this~  
  
~Cause you, you're walking on the edge  
You, you chose the way of love and pain  
You, don't you see the bridge  
I've built for you, its just one step to start again~  
  
The guard had just finished beating me with that five-tailed whip. My mind was scattered, numbed with pain and a deep well of hatred toward Gods that had damned me to this hell. Salty tears were running down my face, that sultry taste of my own blood was on my tongue. My breathing was coming in harsh burning gasps, silently I prayed for an end to it all.  
  
Then he'd been there. I'd seen him standing in the shadows a look of complete fury washing over his face. His silver hair hung limply yet at the same time so prideful. Even with my disoriented vision I could see his cutthroat brown eyes that were narrowed in a cold calculation that had frozen my young blood. In his hand was clinched a small knife, and I noticed the red crisscrossed wounds of his chest. Wounds that could only be given from the whip that had been beating the tar out of me.  
  
Blood was running in sticky rivers over my skin, blinding blows of pulsating pain still filled me...but I couldn't tear my eyes from him. His skin was like white silk, nearly the color his silver hair. I'd never seen anyone that looked like him before. Before I could blink he threw that had been clinched in his hand at me.   
  
I remember how time seemed to slow as the blade flew towards me, fear tingled through me but also a spark of relief that perhaps I'd see my mother again in the after life. The knife made a deadly arc past me and I heard a surprised gasp before something heavy fell into the sand near me. A quick glance showed it to be the guard that had been torturing me in numerous ways for several hours--or maybe even days 'cause that's what it felt like.  
  
I'd looked up to see him still standing there, eyeing me for a moment before walking over to me. I couldn't bring myself to speak, though my mind screamed countless questions. He said nothing either though. Simply picked me up gently, if not somewhat wobbly, and carried me out of there through several secret passageways. He set me down suddenly in a darkened corridor, his quick brown eyes darting about before settling once more on me.  
  
He eyed me critically and I found myself shifting uncomfortably and forced to hide my pain as the movement jarred my wounds. I remember him asking my name in a voice that I felt compelled to answer back promptly. He'd nodded slowly and said my name once or twice.   
  
{"Ishtal...Ishtal..."}  
  
My name had rolled off his tongue slowly. The soft, halting way he said it caught my attention like no other. It was the first time in a very, very long time anyone had said my name like that. So devoided of hate and mocking intensity. Curiosity, innocence even had played in his tone. He'd told me his name quickly, the defensive way he said it caught my attention also. Bakura.... it seemed to fit him some how...just so...*him*. Everything about him seemed so new and amazing to me, like I had seen him before but couldn't recall.  
  
That's when everything began. The wheels of destiny set themselves firmly in motion that very night.   
  
Bakura had plans he wanted me in on. He wanted to escape. Live on his own and make his own way. Wanted freedom from the low title of *slave*. The simple idea both frightened and intrigued me. The possibility of freedom tugged an irrevocable cord within me. My mouth watered for the freedoms I knew would be presented.   
  
The idea to rob the tombs of the Pharaohs that had ordained our enslavement and those before us came early on. We knew it would take bravery to defy the curses and skill to transpire all the traps that would be laid. We swore to be the best Tomb Robbers in all of Egypt. We began slowly. Using caves as our training ground whenever we could slip away without the Guards noticing our leave.  
  
Bakura taught me all kinds of things. He had more knowledge of fighting then I, skills he passed on to me enough to defend myself against my father. One night in one of his drunken rages he'd come at me with a dagger, screaming that it was long past time that I got what I deserved. I'd punched him in the jaw and kicked him in the belly sending his strong frame of balance to the floor at an awkward angle.  
  
He didn't move and when I'd checked on him I'd found the knife embedded in his chest. I felt little remorse for his death; he had hated me with a passion from the minute I was born. My mother had protected me as long as she could before *he* killed her. I knew he had, I wasn't a fool. She was avenged now though.  
  
Not long after that I found the Guards had caught on to our constant disappearances. Apparently the other children that hadn't liked us one bit had told them of exploits. They'd found us. They'd attacked. And despite all our rigorous training we lost miserably. We were twelve years of age boys; they were four burly men in their late twenties. Lady Fate was not in our favor.  
  
They'd beat us until we could barely move. That night was my final farewell to what little innocence I still had...I can still remember their slimy hands all over my body, there guttural sounds...and...  
  
Ra, no....I.... I don't even want to *think* about that...I...I don't even wish to remember that moment...  
  
I shook my head slightly and entered Ryou's bedroom, my breathing becoming shaky and my eyes clouding with tears at the remembrance. I shut the door behind me and stole a glance at the large mirror in Ryou's room. My shoulder-length wild blonde hair fell lightly around my slightly feminine features. My narrowed, tear-stricken lavender eyes were firm and jaded in appearance. My full lips were set in a familiar frown that seemed to darken my features often any more.  
  
~Welcome to a trip  
Into my emotions  
To language of my heart  
Your sailing on a river  
That becomes an ocean  
Which you can only cross with love~  
  
~For you, life is just like chess   
If you don't make a move  
You'll the lose the game like this~  
  
Before my very eyes that image seemed to falter to be replaced with a boy with longer shaggy blonde hair, wider more innocent eyes and more open features; dressed simply in a torn repeatedly patched shirt and pants with no shoes and a muddy face and hair.... I shook my head, feeling tears trying to squeeze their way out.  
  
I swallowed the cry that rose in my throat and walked over to Bakura's Hikari. The very thing he was searching for back then. It had taken five thousand long years but here was the being he had wanted more then anything. The silver-haired Hikari was so very beautiful. His skin was like white silk, his silver hair was a few shades lighter then my old friend but just as softly beautiful.  
  
His features were gentle and caring in appearance. The inner beauty of his soul shining bright and harsh through out his features. He was so innocent, so very innocent. But even the most pure have a line. A bright vibrant nearly invisible line that is the threshold of their patience. There's beyond any others.  
  
Any other being would have fought back against Bakura in the beginning. When he had first received the Ring and the cruel treatment had begun any other would have fought back heedless of any damage the force behind their torment would receive. But not a Hikari, not one of the purest of the pure. Not the other half of a Yami's very soul.  
  
Ryou loved Bakura and vice versa.   
  
It was a selfless, harsh, undying, perfect, love that pounds into one deeper then the deepest abyss. It has no end, as it has no beginning. They've waited aching for the other for longer then one can imagine. How do I know? I've felt the same heart-throbbing emotion for my own Hikari.  
  
Love and can pulsate into fear, that's what I first felt when the complete merge my soul with my Hikari's filled me. But then I saw what had been done to him...saw the scares on his back from his own *father*. Saw the history of the Pharaoh itched into his flesh mercilessly. And I hated him. I hated the Pharaoh with a vengeance born from so very long ago.  
  
When I saw his father my heart leaped into my throat. Before me was the face of my own reincarnated father. I'd killed him again, laughed manically as his blood had ran in rivers from my blade. He had hurt me long ago, and now he had returned to harm my own Aibou. Unforgivable. A blasphemy of the highest accord.   
  
When my Hikari saw what I'd done I thought he'd be happy...but he wasn't...he cried, cried rivers and swore vengeance against the Pharaoh who ordained it. I'd helped him; I'd have followed him to the ends of the Underworld to simply be there with him. Ironic that the suppose will of the Pharaoh who's will had ordained my Hikari's father die was Yugioh. The Pharaoh from Ancient Egypt, the King of Shadow Games. The one whom Bakura and I had hated with a passion of the deepest fire. The one who had imprisoned us within the Sennen Rod and Ring.  
  
~Cause you, you're walking on the edge  
You, you chose the way of love and pain  
You, you don't see the bridge  
I've built for you, its just one step to start again~  
  
~For you, life is just like chess  
If you don't make a move  
You'll lose the game like this~  
  
Revenge can be such a trivial thing though. It rarely leads to happiness, true happiness. Often only a sultry bitterness. I'm not saying that Malik's father didn't get what he deserved. For harming my Aibou he got only a taste of the fate he should have had for *daring* to touch MY Hikari.  
  
They mess with him they mess with me...you don't touch what belongs to me and me alone and expect to walk away unscathed--or walk away at all.   
  
I returned my gaze to Ryou. A fallen angel just like my own Aibou. His inner light rivals any ones, his innocence rivals all. Even Yugioh's Hikari. Each of our Hikari's as the innocence of a child with the maturity of one of advanced years. A child yet not a child are they.   
  
I sighed slightly and sat down on Ryou's bed next to him, giving in and brushing a stray strand of silver hair out of his eyes. Soft.... like the smoothest of silks. Like Bakura's in a way. I tilted my head slightly. They were so alike but so different at the same time. Bakura could be harsh as a sand storm, but he had a soft side deep down. A side once touched you linger for an eternity and longer still.  
  
I love him, in my own way. Though not in the depth that I love my own Hikari, and maybe in his own way he loves me though not in that way anymore. His love his reserved for he one he believes hates him. Oh yes, I had heard their argument. Heard every word, it was hard not to with their yelling.  
  
I must say I was surprised to hear Ryou yell in anger. But everyone has that point of rage. Perhaps when he awakens I can find Bakura and lock them into a room together until they both admit just how much they love each other. I doubt that would work really though. Bakura can be rather stubborn at times. What am I saying? Once he gets all tight-lipped you can't get him to open up no matter what.  
  
Well, at least I can't...Ryou.... maybe he can. I don't know. It's hard to see things clearly anymore. Hard to make sense of everything and anything. I had tried to help them...I did...I saw what was happening when Bakura began courting Anzu. Saw the subtle darkening in Ryou's eyes though he tried so very hard to hide it.  
  
I saw the pain that riveted through his gaze every time Anzu was with Bakura. And I did nothing...I stood by believing I shouldn't interfere that Bakura would see what was happening and then he'd leave Anzu and be with Ryou.... the one he truly loved, even though he had tried to hide it at first with a vibrant anger and hatred. I saw then that he loved him, and when he was with Anzu I saw it as well.  
  
I waited too long to try and interfere again and Ryou.... Ryou did the one thing I thought impossible...Sealed himself inside of the Sennen Ring...so many months lost...such a long time that Bakura sat broken, numbly responding to Anzu's overtures. Ryou's leaving hurt him more then anyone could have done.... anyone.  
  
Had it been anyone else Bakura could have gotten over it eventually, with time. But not Ryou...Never him...  
  
When Anzu came to me one night while Malik was out with her "seduction"...I saw an opportunity. A blinding chance to end the sheared for what it was. To crack down the illusion with enough shock that perhaps Ryou would be in such shock he'd drop his guard enough for Bakura to enter it.  
  
To do so it would have to be real though...Ryou could see and hear all that Bakura could. If Bakura knew that I was doing this to shake up Ryou then it wouldn't work. She came to me and played out a classic form of seduction that I found lacking in luster. But then, in my mind I was mainly thinking of Malik in her place and the things he would have done to tease me so perhaps I'm not being completely fair...I don't know.  
  
Then the highlighting moment.... Bakura walked in on us. The look on his face...the betrayal...the hurt...it pained me really...to know that I, one of the few people on this Ra forsaken world he trusted, had hurt him.  
  
But what was done was done and couldn't be changed. My plan failed really. It had rattled Ryou, it had to of, but it didn't drop his guard. The Ring had simply decided to force Ryou out as it was rejecting having him in their for so long. The Sennen Items all fed off of Shadow magic...something only us Yami's can channel as our Hikari's powers lay more or less in the light then the dark.   
  
I closed my eyes painfully, feeling a few tears fighting themselves forward.  
  
~Cause you, you're walking on the edge  
You, you chose the way of love and pain  
You, you don't see the bridge  
I've built for you, its just one step to start again~  
  
~Walking on the edge  
Baby your  
Walking on the edge~  
  
So many memories...so many follies embedded there. So many things I wouldn't change because they brought me here, to my Aibou...but so many actions of my life here I would change...if only to make things more lucid. But then again, life wasn't made to be simple. It never has been. Why though did Bakura and Ryou's have to be more difficult? Why did their lives fall into the path of painful love?  
  
They love each other...I know they do...if only the could see it though. Why do things have to be so complicated? I don't know the answer to that really...some things I guess have to be that way...other wise life wouldn't really be worth living, would it? I sighed and ran a hand across Ryou's face and looked out the window.  
  
The sun was rising; the start of a new day and new problems perhaps would arise with it. I didn't bother to rise from my perch next to Ryou's bed. I could feel that Bakura had left the house thus Ryou...probably to try and clear his head...his feelings...to sort them out I suppose. The only emotion Bakura has ever been comfortable expressing around others he's not deeply emotionally with is anger...he even has trouble showing other kinds of emotions to me back.... back then.... back when he and I were together.  
  
That was a long time ago.... and though I'd love to leave here and hunt him down, drag him back here and lock him in here with Ryou to make them talk.... their being alone together last time didn't work well and besides.... Bakura would have wanted me to watch of Ryou why he wasn't here...make sure that he was safe though I doubt any one would attack him...  
  
I stood up abruptly and quietly brought the chair from Ryou's desk next to the bed. Straddling the chair backwards I rested my head on my arms and watched each breath the silver-haired Hikari toke. I'd watch over him until Bakura returned.... and he would...  
  
Right?  
  
~You, your walkin' on the edge  
You, you chose the way of love and pain  
You, you don't see the bridge  
I've built for you, its just one step to start again~  
  
~Walking on the edge  
Baby your  
Walking on the edge~  
  
~You, your walking on the edge  
You, you chose the way of love and pain~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-And we stop there^_^What didja all think? I hope ya'all liked it:)I know...not much Bakura/Ryou stuff, but I kinda felt that Ishtal needed to have his story told....to maybe clear up a few lingering questions in your mind that is....Two more chappies left after this......Review, onegai!^_^Your reviews motivate me y'know^_^. I hope this chappie wasn't too dull for ya also.... 


	9. No One Like You

A.n.-^_^Mm, I hope ya'all like this chappie...one more to go 'till the end^_~....  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "No One Like You" by Scorpions.  
  
Dedication-Yuki-chan, R Amythest, CrazyAce, Lunatic Lisa (LL, Noname, Moshi, Draggy, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Tohru, Lady Eos, A.B, Anime_Fan, Yllyana, Asian Angel 12, Kako, Vampire Huntress D, and CrystalDraygon98. Arigatou all of you for your reviews n' support! I really means a lot to me to hear your comments!!^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Its been a long time that we've been apart  
Much too long for a man who needs love  
I miss you since I've been away~  
  
~Babe, it wasn't easy to leave you alone  
It's getting harder each time that I go  
If I had the choice, I would stay~  
  
  
Darkness.   
  
All around me was a blank darkness, my mind felt fruzzy and unresponding as I slowly trancended from the steps of sleep and into the wakeing world. Where was I? I was laying in a warm bed, a gentle breez darted over my exposed flesh uncovered by the light blankets over me. A blank twisted sadness seemed to cover me completely, though I didn't know why. Couldn't fathome why such an emotion would hover over me.  
  
Abruptly memories flushed through my mind like a flood..  
  
{"I-I ha-Hah-hate yah-you!!"}  
  
Tears rushed down over my cheeks. What had I done? How could I tell him that? I blinked my eyes rapidly, a feirce determination of the new me that had seemed to rise from the secoud that rage had touched me sung through my veins. He desereved it...didn't he? Yes, of course he did. He had betrayed me--not the other way around.  
  
I had waited so long for him, I had stood the shadows and sacrificed *everything* I had just to make him happy. And what had it brought me in the end? Still I'd been cast away for something better, a useless battered toy that was never to be retreived. I couldn't take this any more, I *wouldn't*....  
  
I whiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to still the painful leaps of my heart as a sudden realization made my body freez upon myself. Franticly I grabed the Sennen Ring on my neck. Icy cold as death itself. I reached through my mind in a desperet attempt to find what I knew was gone. He wasn't there. Wasn't in his Soul Realm. Meaning...he wasn't with me...  
  
Dread filled my every sense as I felt my breathing become labered. Tears dribbled down my cheaks in a salty wave. He'd left me. Left me all alone.   
  
He was really gone.  
  
Left me just as I'd demanded.  
  
Funny how getting what you want is rarely such a sweet thing.  
  
I leaned forward over my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs and began to sob. I didn't hate him...I didn't....but...now he was gone and I'd never be able to tell him that I'd lied...that I was just angry...and hurt--not a good combination for anyone...I should have been more patient with him...more understandng.  
  
Instead I'd acted like a mere child and refused to listen to him. I'd refused to hope even for a secoud that maybe he wasn't...with her....  
  
Now who am I trying to fool? I *saw* them. Not only that night but I'd seen the way she'd looked at him, felt my darker halves emotions singing through my blood at nearly every moment. He was *happy* with her. I know he was. And I'd ruined it more or less for him. I bet he ran off into her arms too!  
  
I clinched my hands together, my sadness forgotten as that blessed anger seiged hold of me once more. Why that coniveing bastard. Standing over me when I woke up like he really *cared* when he was probably with her, damnation its not fair! Its not! Meh, I sould like a child--even to myself. A spoiled rotten child. Maybe thats what I am. He was never really mine to begin with...right? So what if he's the other half of my soul, Anzu wanted him and he wanted her--nothing can change that.  
  
Even if I tried it wouldn't do a damn thing.  
  
Abruptly I felt warm arms wrap gently around me, drawing me into a lean chest. Too startled to resist I looked up to see a wave of bleached blonde hair falling in a haze onto my own, deep lavender eyes of sharp jaded intensity stared down at me. A face of hardened lines of insane malice that rarely left his features even lightly stared down at me. Ishtal, the dark half of Malik's soul.  
  
What was that emotion pressing in his eyes? What was that warm look that no one had ever really shown me in so long. A hunger I didn't understand seemed to fly through my body. A sudden want for that expression to grow further in his eyes, for his arms to hold me like this so comfertingly surged through me.  
  
Leaning up I pressed my lips gently against his. The touch was electrifing in its own way, holding a fire of its very own. The taste of spices was on my tongue as I leaned in farther. Ishtal's body was stiff beneith my arms as he abruptly pushed my away. I felt my lips form a small pout, tears welling in my eyes as I realized that not even Isthal wanted anything to do with me in that way.  
  
No one probably ever would.  
  
Salty tears were falling down my cheaks. As tangy as the taste of Ishtal's lips on my own was it failed to whipe the slate of my Yami's kiss clean. It barely compared. No kiss would ever come close. My expereinces with such things were limited, yes, but even a ameture as I could tell that nothing could replace what he had givein me.  
  
No other could touch me so possesively, so harshly yet gently at the same time. Make me feel for the breifest of moments as though he wanted me more then anything in the world. For a split secoud I entertained the thought that maybe it had meant something to my Yami. That maybe the kiss hadn't been a mere way of subdueing me...but showing me that he returned my feelings...maybe?   
  
I squashed the thought instantly. Hope was dangerous. Hope destroied you, it didn't save you. It just set you up for a fall that you most likely won't rise from. I can't take this much longer, my sanity's frittered away and I'm standing on the ledge of falling into complete insanity. Any minute now I'll probably be more like...well, Ishtal on a murder streak...not a pleasent thought really.  
  
Not fair of me really I suppose. Even if Ishtal *does* have a tendancy to make the worst of the clincly insane look sane. I looked back up into the harsh eyes of Ishtal to see that the deep lavender had softened again. He seemed at a lost of what to do as He ran a hand down my cheek and shook his head slightly.   
  
I leaned into the touch, needing to feel some form of contact. Despretly needing to know that I was really here and that this wasn't some nightmare that had rudely pulled me in. The Yami before me frowned at me, tilting his head as he loward his hand.   
  
"Don't use me to try and forget, Little One..."he said softly.  
  
I felt shame wash through me vibrently. Thats what I was doing, wasn't it? Pushing my problems far away like the coward I was and trying to use Ishtal so I wouldn't have to see nor feel them anymore. That wasn't fair to him, nor I suppose for me. It wasn't Ishtal that my soul all but screamed for, it wasn't him whos hardened eyes I longed for.   
  
I'd hoped that my anger had washed that feeling away. That maybe I'd hiden it some how, some way. And as much as my heart is breaking my doing it...I can't forget my Yami....I can't ever move on without him...I simply can't...willing or not, I'll always be here...waiting for him...The thought made my wince slightly. Always waiting for something that wouldn't come, that seemed to be my fate.  
  
~There's no one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
~There's no one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
I guess it hadn't really sunk in before now. I bowed my head slightly.  
  
"Gomen, Ishtal...gomen-nasai...I didn't mean to...I just..."   
  
My throat closed up dryly on me...my voice cracking off whatever words might of spilled forth. It was finaly hiting me. Reality was chokeing up through me, tighting it's hold crushingly on me. The heart I'd fooled myself into beliveing I'd lost was breaking painfully in my chest. Pain beyound words was strikeing at me.  
  
It hadn't fully come to me that my Yami was gone. The other half of my soul was *gone* and most likely would never return. Why would he want to return to some one as weak as I in the first place? How could I have fooled myself for a secoud that I could survive without him at my side?   
  
I can't.  
  
I won't make it out there.  
  
I know it, and I'll bet he knows it as well.  
  
Perhapes he's giveing me a lesson like the days when I first recieved the Ring. Though instead of him battering down my self-will and my physical body he's going to allow the world itself to do it for him. I felt my body begine to tremble. I felt naked suddenly without him. My every flaw, my every doubt bare to the world.   
  
With him by me I always felt safe and conferted, no matter how deep the torment was that I could never have him. I love him, I do...no matter that the anger from before still boils deep within me I do care for him...more then anything in the world. But he's gone now. I'll bet he's with *Anzu* and not even giveing me a secoud thought.  
  
I felt my hands clinch into small fists. I turned my face away, tears gathering higher as they fell down streams down my face. The bed seeped in slightly next to me and warm arms encircled me once more. I stayed rigid in the embrace. My body acheing defiently for anothers. A deep, primatoral feeling that I knew only one could satisfy.   
  
Leaning forward I let out a ragged sob. It hurt...it hurt *so* much. Why did it have to be this way? Why did everything in my life have to fall apart like this? Why is that everything I touch turns to such a bitter end? My Mother died when she gave birth to me y'know. Thats why my Father, if one could call him that, was rarely ever home.   
  
He pushed me off to nanies and such, sent me to privet schools for a little while simply so he wouldn't have to spend time with me. Oh, sure, he said he was doing "doing it for me". Whatever. I could read him like a book then, still can when he bothers to come every year or so. When he's "work" dosen't detain him that is.  
  
The Sennen Ring was one of his "apology gifts" actually. He gave it to me after I finaly lost my temper and asked him why he never spent time with me at all. Why he acted like he didn't care. If he even loved me at all and why he couldn't even find it to spend time with his own son instead of constantly going off to a dig.  
  
That earned me a sharp slap and a rememberence that it was often better to keep such thoughts to myself least I get another bruise on my cheak. I learned well. The Ring was given to me then as an i'm-sorry-for-not-being-able-to-spend-more-time-with-you-son sort of gift. I'd thought it a mere trinket really.   
  
But something about it pulled me in, whispereing silently of an end to my lonelyness. An end to walking through the world with an acheing feeling inside. Who'd of belived that I'd lead me here. And alone without him. I don't know what hurts more the fact that he's gone and that I can't feel his soul intertwined so tight-nitch to mine or that he'll never love me.  
  
I suppose the pain divides it's self equally more or less I don't know. Its hard to make sense of anything any more....I just...I can't...I can't *think* strait any more.   
  
How could I have messed things up so badly? Why did I have to lose my temper like that damn it! People always say I've a lot of patience! Why didn't I try excerciseing it...  
  
Meh, I can't delude myself with that. If I had the choice to go back in time and change that moment I know I wouldn't. If it hadn't happened then, then it would have happened later on. I know it would. And anger worsens the longer you hold it in. I caused this...so I have to fix it somehow...I..I have to find him...  
  
But...What if I *do* find him and...and...he's *with* HER...  
  
I can't see that again...I just...I can't...I WON'T....  
  
Abruptly I became aware of harsh cries resonateing in the room that I recognized as my own, and a low voice humming a rather sootheing lulluby...strong arms rocked my gently...a perfect rhythm that was calming my rageing mind. Slowing the hyper-speed of what-if possiblities that were fast spinning out of control.   
  
~There are really no words strong enough  
To describe all my longing for love  
I don't want my feelings restrained~  
  
~Ooh, babe, I just need you like never before  
I just imagine you'd come throough this door  
You'd take all my sorrow away~  
  
  
Suddenly I felt another precence enter the room. The aura was dark and powerful, calm yet dangerous at the same time. I stiffened in Ishtal's arms and wirled around. Fear was pounding through my veins for I could tell that the aura I felt wasn't my Yami miraculesly returning to me...But someone eles. Blindly I struggled to hope that maybe, just maybe, I was mistaken and it was him.  
  
My heart slammed in my chest at the thought. I knew in an instant that if was him I'd throw myself into his arms and forget everything just to have him. I can't hide it from him. I can't keep hideing what I feel. I can't keep this mask I wear up anymore. Its killing me, truely it is....  
  
What I saw made my heart plummet down, a tiny peice of resentment finding its way through me as my eyes locked upon Yugioh, the Ancient Pharaoh from five thousand years ago and the King of Games.  
  
I've never completely forgivein him for his actions dureing the Duelist Kingdom. True, I hadn't been playing in my other halvs better intreste but Yugioh was the one who ripped him from me. Kami-sama...the pain...it had been so blinding. I'd cried myself asleep those nights, crawling away from the group as I curled into a ball of utter agony....  
  
Shakeing my head slightly I tried to dispell the rememberence and vainly whiped my tears away and pulled myself from the firm embrace of Ishtal. His hands lingered on me for a secoud protectively before falling away. I lowered my head, allowing my snow white hair to fall around my face as I fought to figure out something, anything, to say.   
  
Yugioh saved me the trouble though.  
  
"Finaly returned chibi Hikari no Ryou?"  
  
Not trusting my voice I nodded slightly, turning my face away from them. Not by choice, I hadn't returned by my own will. If I had it my way I'd still be curled up safely in the Ring without a worry. I'd of never seen my Yami and Anzu together....I ground my teeth together as my memory summoned up a perfect picture of them entwined together...Rage of the purest of fires flared up through me. Sung through my very blood.   
  
"You shouldn't be angry with him, Hikari no Ryou."  
  
I flinched slightly. Not just from his reading my obviouse emotions, but from the fact that he called me "Hikari". Such was a privlage reserved only for my Yami and no other. I glared up at him.  
  
"You wanting to be a runner up as well, Yugioh?"I snapped, my voice suddenly hard and unyeilding.  
  
I was suprised how quick anger healed over my wounds, or atleast hide them enough that I could barely feel them sliceing at my soul. I clung to the feeling of tempory relife. Unwilling to allow it to leave ever so soon. Yugioh's eyes narrowed slightly at me, the ruby color boreing through me.   
  
"Stop treating us like enemies, Hikari no Ryou. We're trying to help you."he said firmly in a no-nonsence sort of tone.  
  
I felt my lips curl up in disgust. Help me? *Help* me? Oh, well Kami-sama forbid that I should try to help myself. That I should take control of my own life. My chest heaved up and down suddenly. Anger sparked vibrently through me, flying through my eyes as I glared hard into those blood red orbs of Yugioh.  
  
"Read my lips, Yugioh. I--don't--want--your--help."I growled out. Pronuceing each word with infenet clarity.  
  
I could feel Isthal's gaze boreing through me with suprise. I'd never used such a harsh tone with anyone before...other then my Darker half the night before. But lately, my patience for others has drawn thin and if you want to put yourself in my path right now then you can damn well face the consequences.  
  
The air in the room instantly seemed to drop several degrees. Yugioh's gaze was harsh and cold as he stared at me.  
  
"Leave me alone with him, Ishtal, Yuugi."  
  
Ishtal stiffened slightly, his eyes darting from me back to Yugioh as he tried to decide whether or not to defy the once Pharaoh or to stay at my side. Obviousely he choose the former as I he rose and walked out the door. Yuugi, who I hadn't noticed before, hung by the door. His youthful face was just as I remembered it. Wide, innocent amythist eyes glowed with concern. Those lovely orbs took a slightly glazed look that I knew from experience meant he was speaking telepathicly with Yugioh. He nodded slightly before walking out the door and closeing it behind him.  
  
I shifted with sudden unease on the bed, crossing my arms infront of me in a defensive gesture as I glared over at Yugioh. His gaze on me didn't change in the slightest, his eyes followed my every motion. I rose from the bed and squared my shoulders to make myself stand tall. I stood a good few inches above Him, but he somehow made it seem like he was looking down on me and I was looking up. An uncomfertble feeling.  
  
"This isn't you, Hikari no Ryou."He said softly at last, his ancient eyes holding a sudden sadness that I didn't understand.  
  
I forced myself to stand my ground,"You know nothing about me, Yugioh."I responded coldly,"No one does."  
  
He tilted his head slightly,"Not even that Tomb Robber?"  
  
I flinched instantly at the mention of my Yami. Yugioh saw this as surely as a panther would sense a fatle weakness in their prey.   
  
"He's gone now, he can't of known me that well. What are you dong here anyway, Yugjoh? Shouldn't you be out dueling Kaiba-san or something?"I changed the subject quickly, not willing to linger on the subject of my Yami least I finaly break down into tears again.   
  
And I can't give the once Pharaoh my tears. I simply can't. I won't. Looks like my Yami's sense of undieing pride rubbed off on me.  
  
Yugioh crossed the distance between us, his breath was warm on my face sending goosebumbs through my flesh,"We came to make sure your alright, and to help you. If you'd stop being so difficult you'd see that."  
  
My mind screamed at my body to move back a few steps but I refused stubburnly. Loseing ground with Yugioh wasn't a thing to be reclaimed. Ever. He was in *my* space, not the other way around. If he thought he could intimdate me he was in for a suprise. Becouse he couldn't. My Yami was more frightening back when I first recieved the Ring then Yugioh could ever attempt to be.   
  
"I'll stop being difficult when you get it through your spikey head that I don't want your help."I grounded out, keeping my voice soft yet laced with a torrent wave of naive anger that flooded through my very soul.  
  
Crimson eyes flashed with impatience as he leaned closer into my space; his nose nearly touching my own.   
  
"You have no idea do you?"he questioned, the question seemingly innocent.  
  
Confuseion cut through me like a knife as I cocked my head to the side and blinked a few times. What was he talking about? Takeing my silence as his answer he steped away from me and I couldn't keep in the slight sigh of relife that he'd moved away. He walked across the room. He stood with his back to me for a moment before turning around, his ageless features tense as they lingered on me.  
  
"You really don't see it do you, Hikari no Ryou?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes, instantly going on the defensive,"Nani?"  
  
He shook his head slightly and...laughed. The sound bounced off the wooden walls of my bedroom with a resounding intensity. Pride forgotten I backed away. An insane jolt of fear flying throug me at the look on Yugioh's face...and the Eye of Ra which glowed brightly on his forehead. I moved back a few more steps untill my back meet the wall. My breathing was comeing fast gasps now as I squeezed my eyes shut.  
  
Its hard to explain what happened next. I could suddenly feel another...precence in my mind. A different one then that of my Yami....Anger shot through the fear as I threw up mental sheilds only to have them broken down a secoud later. I tried again, only to have the other precence I'd identified as Yugioh slam them down with impatience.  
  
An eternity seemed to pass untill he left the barriors of my mind and I became aware that I kneeling down on my hands and knees with Yugioh crouching next to me, his forehead resting against my own. Ruby eyes snapped open and stared into my own chocolate brown.  
  
"I see now."he said simply.  
  
~There's no one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
~No one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
Crimson eyes closed for a moment before reopening,"You think He loves her, don't you Hikari no Ryou?"  
  
"....He does...I know he does..."I had to choke out the words, my fear...my anxitey was riseing wholy in my throat. Salty tears poured down my cheeks in an unstopable wave.   
  
He smirked slightly and shook his head, his skin was cold against my own,"No, Hikari no Ryou, he dosen't. He loves *you*."  
  
The words were simple, spoken so carelessly. Thrown at my feet like gems to a poor man. Denial surged through me at the information givein to me.  
  
"No...no, he-he-he can't la-lav-love me..."I whispered hoarsly.  
  
"He does."Yugioh responded firmly.,"He's pined for you all these months, Hikari no Ryou. He's searched through many Ancient books and spells that Isis had at the museum in hopes of finding a way to get you out of the Ring. Anzu toke advantage of his weakness of your leaveing him. He never loved her, Hikari no Ryou."  
  
"Your lieing...."I shook my head, unwilling to accept what the once Pharaoh said was true.   
  
It couldn't be...It simply couldn't...Fairy Tales didn't come true for me. They never had before, there was no happy ending for me. There never will be...and for my Yami to love me...that would change everything too much..it simply couldn't be true. It just can't be!  
  
Crimson eyes narrowed dangerously,"I. Do. NOT. Lie, Hikari no Ryou."he said firmly, pronuceing each word like a silver bullet aimed directly at me.  
  
I felt naked, the truths I'd clinged so fervently too ripped from my hands to leave me bare to a reality I couldn't accept just yet. My heart was beating fast against my wishes though. Hope to bright to be forgotten flying through me. Was it true? Could it be true? My Yami in love with me? Was it possible? Dare I to even try for this? Could he ever forgive me?  
  
I looked up at Yugioh wildly,"Where is he?"I demanded.  
  
Yugioh's face turned sad,"I...Don't know...he left before sunrise...."  
  
I jumped up and ran from my bedroom, Yugioh didn't bother to try and stop me. Probably knowing it was pointless. I ran past Ishtal and Malik, darting through the door just as Yugi jumped out of the way. I ran down the pavement side-walks as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going, just that I had to find my Yami before it was too late.  
  
I had to try and salvage what we had. I needed him more then anything in the world, and I would spend all of eternity makeing up what I had said to him if he'd just stay with me now. I had to hurry though. I couldn't wait any longer. I focused on my Yami's aura and followed it...I seemed to fly through the very air I was going so fast. Everything around me was a blur, it didn't matter in the slightest to me really. On He mattered. He was my world and I couldn't--no I wouldn't--lose him.   
  
I looked around as I began to slow slightly, realizeing I was in a more run down part of Domino. A more dangerous side of it that I had avoided like the plauge before. Thats when I saw him. I was walking down the steps of an Apartment building I recognized to be where Malik and Ishtal with the rest of the G.H.O.U.L.S group had lived for a while in Battle City. Love bursted through me at the site of him and I felt tears drip down my face as I ran forward at him.  
  
From far off I heard a honk expload through the air but I paid it no heed. I watched my Yami's expression go from happiness, to sorrow, to a blinding fear I didn't completly understand...  
  
Agony shot through my suddenly as I felt something collide with me and send me sprawling to the hard pavement ground. My breatheing felt shallow, my body shakeing with pain. Blackness began to swallow me as the remindeing thought of earlier that I would never have a happy ending surfaced as obliveion exploaded through me and I knew no more......  
  
~No one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
~No one like you  
I can't wait for the nights with you  
I imagine the things we'll do  
I just wanna be loved by you~  
  
~No one like you~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.N.-I know, I know,...Cliffie...I'm evil ne? One more chapter left, I hope you enjoyed this one. Sorry if Ryou-chan seemed a lil' OOC but remember, he was hurting a lot right now and bein' in pain can change a persons personality radicly for a limited amount of time. I hope you did somewhat enjoy the chappie an one more to go.....a happy ending or a sad ending? Tick-tock-tick-tock.....review onegai^_~Also, sorry if the song didn't fit the fic that great...I looked around forever but this was the only one I thought fitted at least somewhat, it was hard to find one this time...Neways:)review onegai!:)  
Also, I haven't used spell-cheak on this yet but I will soon, promise. No flames on it, onegai. I do go over it to try and fix them to the best of my abilty... 


	10. I Would Have Loved You Anyway

A.n.-^_^heh, well heres the ending chapter. Happy ending or a sad one? Mm...so hard to choose...^_~heh, arigatou all of you for your support through this fic. It truely has meant a lot to me^_^This is not the complete end also, an epilogue *is* comeing after this. I promise^_~If your disspointed with the ending of this chappie READ the epilogue...you'll like it...promise^_~heh  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "I Would Have Loved You Anyway" by Trisha Yearwood.  
  
Dedication-Peoson who likes this fic and thinks you need to update it more often, Carrie Starfire, Draggy, SpiritGuardian, Renee the Rabid Squirrel, Yuki-Chan, Falcona SkyWolf, Tohru, Guess, Bringer of the Storm, Seashell, Silvermoon, Sincere Angel, Starkitty, Silke, Loanshark, R Amythest, Moshi, Noname, Akemi, Kako, Psyic, Psycho Mime, G.O.C, Asian Angel 12, and Crystaldraygon98. Arigatou for your reviews and support through out this fic. Its meant so much to me, it truely has. Domo arigatou for everything you all:). Your comments really helped me often with my writeing and gave me the insperation to write more:)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~If I'd of known the way   
That this would end  
If I'd read the last page first  
If I'd of had the strength to walk away  
If I'd of known how this would hurt~  
  
~I would have loved you anyway  
I'd do it all the same  
Not a secoud I would change  
Not a touch I would trade~  
  
~If i'd of known  
My heart would break  
I would have loved you anyway~  
  
A firm, helpless anger filled me as I passed the Hospital room where my Hikari lay. Crystalin tears were falling from my eyes and for the first time in very long while I didn't bother to whipe them away. What was the point any more? No one was here to see me, and I had a reason. The Healer had been here a little while ago to give me the news..  
  
My Hikari was dieing.  
  
The wreak had crushed a few of his ribs, punched a lung and, he'd hit his head hard enough to throw himsel finto a coma that chances were he wasn't going to come out of....and there wasn't a damn thing they could do to help him either. They'd given him the night to live becouse of both the coma and the fact that...they couldn't stop the internal bleeding within. Several other importent organs had been crushed with the impact...my Hikari was dieing...slowly, painfully...but he was.   
  
Worst of all, I could feel my Aibou's soul weakening inside of the fleshly frame...withering away out of it. Our bond was weakening...meaning my Hikari...my salvation...my koi...would soon be gone...possibly forever. Ra, I wish I could die with him. But the bloody fantastic Ring will simply pull me back in, lock me inside until another awakens me. Thats how its going to be.  
  
Ra damn fate!!  
  
This isn't how it was suppose to turn out, damnation! He's suppose to wake up, be fine and end up with me...he's...he's not suppose to *DIE*. I collapsed down in the chair next to his bed, gripping his small, pale hand in my own. As though my own touch mayhapes could awaken him. I stared at his face, willing those eyes to open and for those idiotic healers to be wrong.   
  
Nothing.  
  
Not even the smallest twitch from my beautiful Hikari.  
  
*Why* Ra?  
  
Why give him to me and force me to lose him so soon? Why in the Underworld must you strip me of all that I care for so cruely? No answer came from above or in any other magical sense. But then I hadn't really been expecting one truely....  
  
This is so typical really. Everything I touch turns to ash. Everything I've ever wanted in my life has always been ripped away at the last possible secoud. I closed my eyes, feeling a new rush of tears run harshly down. I love him...I love him *so* much...and now I'm going to lose him...maybe it would have been better if I'd never meet Ryou in the first place...  
  
No.  
  
I'd not trade knowing him for anything the Gods could bestow. I'd give my immortal soul, damned though it may be, if he'd live now...maybe the final sacrifice would even alow my heart to weigh lighter then the feather. I highly doubt though. But...if it would mean my Hikari would live...I'd do it. No matter what my final fate may be...  
  
I'd felt him comeing from within Ishtal and Malik's old apartment. The steady, strong beat of his pure white aura running flamboyantly toward me was enough to jerk me out of the deepest of sleep. Pulling on my shoes I'd estimated I had atleast five minutes before he was in eye-sight so I toke that infernal metal contraption down to the lobby and ran out the doors.  
  
My senses were off though from the srain of the last few months...maybe thats why I didn't feel him until it was too late. Seeing him there...bathed in the light of the riseing sun...no sight before it could compare. His white hair sparkled lightly in the breeze, his eyes...those unblemished chocolate brown eyes hadn't held hate...nor anger...  
  
But love.  
  
Nothing but a pure, perfectly trickleing love. His soul all but screamed through our link how much he cared...how sorry he was...how much he wanted me to forgive him becouse he loved me *so* much...Forgiveness was his in an instant...I'd done worse things in my life then what he'd done to me. And perhapes, on some distant level, I'd deserved his harsh words. I don't know.  
  
Thats when I'd saw it.   
  
My heart had stopped in my chest, my blood felt like ice in my veins as a care speed wildly around the corner...heading for Ryou. There wasn't time for me to move...or even attempt to scream out a warning. I remember returning my gaze to my Aibout only to see him running across the streets...toward me...for me...to be with me...  
  
Fear was pounding through me...the emotion nearly foreign as I hadn't felt it in so long...I was frozen, unable to even try to move as a loud blazeing noise of the car's horn broke through the still air and the squel of tires and rubber erupted and the car slammed into my Hikari. His body flew back like a rag doll, falling back severel feet. The car stalled for a moment before takeing off in a burning flame.  
  
Internal I swore to get revenge as I regained use of my body and ran forward. I cradled my Hikari's limp body in my arms. His eyes closed as though death had already taken him. The red innocent blood of my Aibou soaked my hands as I began to scream for help, calling for someone *anyone* to help me...  
  
A woman darted forward, takeing a glance at Ryou before pulling out her cell-phone and makeing the call. An ambulance arived too slow for my tasts and toke him away, I rode with them unable to remove myself from his side. Once at the Hospital they toke him in the emergency room to try and save the one person that had mattered to me in over five thousand years.  
  
Hours became days as I paced the waiting room. I'd called Yugioh and Ishtal to tell them what happened and moments later they were at my side waiting...and were at my side when the news that Ryou was dieing...*dieing*...  
  
~Its bittersweet to look back now  
At memories wivered on the vine  
But to hold you close to me  
For a moment in time~  
  
~I would have loved you anyway  
I'd do it all the same  
Not a secoud I would change  
Not a touch that I would trade~  
  
~Had I known  
My heart would break  
I would have loved you anyway~  
  
I've never felt this...weak before in my entire long life. Never felt so helpless. No, such a feeling ended for me long ago. And now, here it is again. Creeped up behind me and grabbed me in a choke hold nonetheless. Ryou's smileing face flashed in my minds eye...deeply warm chocolate brown eyes gazeing over at me with trust...so much trust that I shattered so many times.  
  
Those beautiful orbs...so many emotions have lain within them from my precence. From fear to forgiveiness, from careing emotion to hurt...to anger and hate even. All becouse of me. I slipped my face between my hands, my fingers curling into angry fists around my silver strainds. All I've ever done is hurt him. Thats all.  
  
I was suppose to protect him.  
  
I nearly destroied him myself.   
  
I begged forgiveness and had it given easily to me.   
  
I broke his trust again again by being with Anzu.   
  
I vowed to keep him safe after his return from the Ring.  
  
And now, not 24 hours later, he's going to die. My *ABIOU* is going to die...just like that...and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it...nothing...  
  
Abruptly I felt my hand be squeezed gently, wrapping warmly around my fingers in a feather-light embrace. My eyes snapped open and wildly went down to my Hikari's face. His eyes were groggly opened, tears slipping out the corner of his eyes as he stared up at me.  
  
"Y-Yami...."he whispered hoarsly, his tone made slightly harsh by his throat.  
  
I leaned forward, brushing his knuckles against my lips.  
  
"I'm here, Hikari...I'm here..."  
  
Tears went faster now as he clutched my hand tighter, his face was paler then I'd ever seen it...but a firm line of determination cut across his soft features.  
  
"G-Gomen...Gomen...Yami...I...I didn't mean.....I love you....I love you...."he chanted, chocolate orbs filled with desperation stared into my own.  
  
I shook my head feircly,"No, no I'm sorry, Hikari...this is all my fault!....I...I love you Hikari...I always have...Anzu....Anzu meant nothing *nothing8 to me...I swear it...onegai....onegai don't leave me here Hikari....onegai....stay with me..."I begged, my foolish damnable pride by now was gone. As Ishtal once said 'love hath no pride'. True it is.  
  
~Even I'd of seen it comein'  
You'd still of seen me runnin'  
Strait into your arms~  
  
~I would have loved you anyway  
I'd do it all the same  
Not a secoud I would change  
Not a touch that I would trade~  
  
He breathed out harshly, lunging up suddenly and throwing his arms around me...his body felt so frail and weak in my arms. As though my touch would shatter him into oblvioun. He held me close, his breath hot and warm against my ear.  
  
"You've nothing...nothing to be....sorry for..."he grunted slightly in pain and but held me tighter,"My own....pride...made...this happen...my own insecurities...I don't...I don't want to die...Yami..."  
  
His arms weakened around me as I pulled away and layed him back down on the bed gently, running a hand down his delecite features.   
  
"Don't go..."I whispered hoarsly...knowing that what I asked wasn't possible...the Healers had already said he was too far gone...and Ra's never been fond enough of me to entervine in my favor...ever.  
  
He raised a hand and gently brushed away my tears, I caught his hand in mine. Holding onto it for all that I was worth. As though my touch could keep him from leaveing....onegai...Hikari...don't go...I love you and I'm sorry....i'm so sorry...stay with me...selfish bastard that I am I don't want you to go...  
  
I whimpered slightly, laying my head down on my chest as I wraped my arms best I could around him...trying not to disturb the variest wires around him as I did so. I felt his lilthe arms fall around me, his fingers toying with my hair. I want this...I want him to be in my arms. I don't want to let him go...I can't face eternity without him...I can't...  
  
"I love you forever....Yami.."he whispered.  
  
I spared a glance up to see he was struggling to keep his eyes open, struggleing agains the force that pulled against him...I could feel him dieing through our link...feel that pure soul slowly seperateing from me...leaveing me...and I knew with a burst of clairty that when those beautiful orbs closed they wouldn't open again...I knew it.  
  
"Don't close your eyes!"I yelled, my voice harsher then I ment it to be.  
  
He jerked slightly, my voice startleing him enough to keep them open. The stream of his soul was strong for an instant against my own before fadeing back away.  
  
"I...I'll be with you again....Yami....I'm your Hikari...I'll never leave you completely....I don't want to go now though...I love you...I love you *so* much...I always have...."he said, tears falling down his porclien cheeks at the words.  
  
"I love you too, Hikari...so...don't go...I can't...I can't live without you...onegai..."  
  
He smiled slightly at me his arms tighting around me for a breif moment..  
  
"I lah...love....yah..yah..you...Ya...mi..."he said, before a rush of air left his lungs and his body stilled beneith me...and those lovely orbs of blinding purity...closed...  
  
No...No....RYOU!....He's not.....no.....he can't be.....Hikari!!   
  
"NO!!"I shook his body,"RYOU WAKE UP!!"My tears were chokeing me...that perfect white light of my Hikari's soul left me...leaveing me bare and alone...his beautiful light forever gone from my existance. Extiguished. My Aibou...my Hikari...my Koi...he was gone....he was DEAD.  
  
"NOOO!! OPEN YOUR EYES KOI! OPEN THEM DAMNIT!! HIKARI!!"  
  
I felt strong arms lift me up and I struggled blindly, strikeing the fool that *dared* interupt my greif blindly. I heard a curse in arabic and saw I'd punched Yugioh in the face. I grabbed his jacket and pulled him close to my face.  
  
"HE'S NOT GONE!! HE'S NOT.....HE'S NOT!!"  
  
Yugioh seemed at a loss of what to say...his usualy confident features drawn with sadness and regreat...  
  
"I'm sorry, Yami no Ryou....he's gone...gomen..."he whispered.  
  
I threw him backward and he stumbled before barely catching his balance his head bowing.  
  
"YOUR WRONG PHARAOH!! HE's NOT GONE!! HE CAN'T BE....HE...He....was just talking..."I whispered, noticeing for the first time Yuugi, Ishtal, Malik, Isis, Jounouchi, Honda, Mai...they were all there...tears rolling down their cheeks...  
  
No! Ryou...  
  
I turned to his body, the line next to him blinked a dead line...he was gone...my Hikari...was gone...he was really gone....  
  
I collapsed to my knees, feeling the ever precence on the Ring pulling at me...Ignoreing it for a moment made my way to Ryou's bed and pulled myself up next to his body. His face was peaceful...open...like it had been before...  
  
I leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips before succumbing to the darkness of the Ring.  
  
  
My Hikari was gone.  
  
~Had I known  
My heart would break  
I would have loved you anyway~  
  
~I would have loved you anyway~  
  
  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Never fear, The epilogue *is* comeing...and if you are angry/sad/feel cheated about this ending...then I promise you will be very happy about the epilogue. Which will probably be out by this weekened...however, please review to let me know what you thought of the ending...but it isn't the *complete*ending as I've still one more trick up my sleeve for the ending...one I promise you'll enjoy...so review k?  
  
Ja Ne 


	11. I'll Be Right Here Waiting Epilogue

A.n.-Here it is, for those of you who wanted the happy ending, or the best I can for it...here it is. I hope you like it^_~Gomen-ne for those of you who were...upset about Ryou-chan's death...but...it had to happen becouse...well you'll see^_~Enjoy the epilouge.  
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or This song"I'll Be Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx.  
  
Dedication-Fyreda, G.O.C., LoanShark, Akemi, Sea Cucumber, Yuki-chan, Starkitty, Gin Ryu-chan, Hana no Ceres, Ana, Asian Angel 12, and Crystaldraygon98. Thanks again for your kind reviews!!^_^  
  
  
  
  
~Oceans apart day after day  
And I slowly go insane  
I hear your voice on the line  
But it doesn't stop the pain~  
  
~If I see you next to never  
How can we say forever~  
  
***********100 years later**************  
  
He haunts me.  
  
Ever since I was a child...he's filled my dreams...Dreams? Are they that? They're so vivid...the pain in them...the sorrow...the fertile reality of it all...far real to be a mere fantasy world my mind's created. The only time I've ever felt alive is when I'm there...with him. Those preciouse moments of my life are the only time I've ever felt free and complete.  
  
Love pounds through my veins when I see him there...when I look into those icy brown eyes with shots of blood red simmering through it...the emotions are undescriable. I've drawn pictures of him...sometimes on purpose...other times by accident. He's my obsession...thats the only word for this facination. He's *so* real...and as I've grown older the 'dreams' of him have only become more intense...each one blurring the thin line between fantasy and reality.   
  
Maybe he's a true, liveing breathing being...or maybe I'm a freakin' nutcase.  
  
I don't know.   
  
And honostly I don't give a damn anymore.  
  
When I first 'dreamed' him...he both made me fear and love him. The former becouse he used to torture me like I was somesort of slave from long ago. The latter for reasons I don't know. How can you love someone who abuses you? How can you love you love someone who screamed that he hated you? I don't know. I can't explain it. I can't even figure it out myself.  
  
Teresa, my Nanny, (the woman who more or less raised me after my mother's death when I was born and my father started leaveing on is business trips more and more often) always told me that the dreams would go away. That they were just figments of my imagenation. That I couldn't love someone who didn't exist. That I was being crazy.  
  
She sent me to a therpist becouse of the dreams.  
  
I learned not to talk about my dreams any more after that.  
  
Every day of my life I've walked the path Fate has choosen for me like a ghost. All I've ever been able to feel is this suffacating lonelyness that has always swept through me. A cruel deep acheing pain within makes me want to scream until my voice cracks into nothing. I've clawed my flesh just to feel pain to try and show that I was alive. To prove it both to myself and whatever it is out there that makes me feel like this...it didn't work and nearly earned me another trip to a a therpist.  
  
Not that that quack of a doctor did a damn thing to hlep me anyway.  
  
He couldn't help me and thats the simple fact...no one can help me.  
  
Only one person in this whole world can make this world seem real...seem right.  
  
Every night I dream of him. Each time I fall into the oblivion of sleep I find him there...and unlike the first time I had the 'dreams' of him...he holds me close..whisperes words of comfort that no ones ever told me into my ears...I'm not alone when I'm with him...I'm happy...I'm complete. Crazy as it might sound to anyone eles I have fallen in love with him...this shadow that fills my thoughts and mind every wakeing and sleeping moment.  
  
I rolled over on my bed, reaching over to my sketch book on the edge of my nightstand. Dropping it on my quilted bed I opened it and stared at the first page...etched to utter perfection was the face of my dark angel...who was he? Why did he haunt me so? Such questions have haunted me for the longest of times. Never though have I recieved an answer.  
  
"Yami..."I whispered suddenly...  
  
Yami? What was a Yami? Darkness...it meant darkness...and yes, looking closer every graceful curve of him...every preditoral look to him screamed such a thing. Why now? Why would I name this ageless figure from my mind Yami? Why? I ran a finger down his face...he was beautiful, this Yami person...exceptionaly so...  
  
I blushed instantly at my own thoughts. Strange as it would seem, at fifteen years of age I've never had a single crush on anyone really. There always seemed to be some sort of invisable barrior between me and them...they never really seemed *there* to me...its always felt like I'm waiting for something...or someone for that matter to suddenly appear...  
  
But who? This...'Yami' of mine perhapes? I chuckled, my voice bounceing off the walls of my room loudly, at my own stupidity. It's foolish of me to even think like this. Even if someone like 'Yami' did exist....no...no, its simply not possible!  
  
I narrowed my eyes at the picture, stareing hard at every feature of him. In a strange way he looked like me...same silver hair...same pale skin. But something in the eyes...some difference in the way he held himself and that hardened expression made us completely different. My eyes dropped lower to take in the strange Ring he wore around his neck...  
  
"The Sennen Ring..."I said softely.  
  
Once more the name fit perfectly. The 'Sennen Ring' was basicly a large Ring shaped object with a pyrimide inside it with the Egyption Eye of Horus in the center of it...made of pure gold that glistened with power and unknown secrets that my 'dreams' did not reveal. I sighed, riseing from my bed and tearing my gaze from the sketch on my bed. Defiently still it burned like the brightest of embers in my mind...forbidding itself to be forgotten. What did this 'Yami' want from me? Am I really going crazy?  
  
I've not told anyone about my dreams since the last incident with Teresa, which was about five years ago for the record. I finaly got Father convicened enough to let me stay home alone when I was thirteen years old. That meant I didn't have to worry about her hearing me call out for 'Yami' in my sleep...which would make me have to go see more docors...and I don't want to see them again. They won't belive me this time and I'll end up in a padded white room stuck in a strait-jacket to the end of my years. Not a pleasureable thought.  
  
I don't have to worry that much though.  
  
With Teresa gone and the fact that I rarely see my Father its doubtful anyone will find out. Friends you might ask? I've never really had any. Never saw the reaon to make any. Its not as though they could help this utter uselessness that well inside of me...I know they couldn't and I won't burnden them with trying to help me...they can't. And I won't bother them with trying.  
  
The only moment I feel alive is when He's near....'Yami'...the name really does fit him...Darkness...Abruptly the sound of the door-bell crashed through the stillness of the house. I was home alone. The loud noise itself made me jump. I hurried down the stairs and opened the door to see a young man in a postal uniform with raven-wing black hair and bright blue eyes standing there impatiently with a package under one arm and a clip-board with papers in his hand.  
  
"Package for a Ryou Bakrua."He said in a bord voice, his eyes peeking around me into my house.  
  
I felt my eyebrow raise as I responded,"Thats me."  
  
His gaze hardened and snapped back to me,"Sign here."he said as he all but shuved the clip-board at me.  
  
I signed quickly and toke my package, closeing and locking the door quickly behind me as I did so. The man hadn't seemed all there either. Just as ghostly as everone eles in this world appared. I walked back up the stairs and into to my room, sitting back on the bed I turned the package over in my hands. Maybe it was a bomb...heh, I don't think theres anyone that wants me dead that bad...most don't even know i'm alive anyway.  
  
Grabbing a sharp letter opener from my nightstand I cut throug the scotch-tap across it before dropping it uselessly on my bed. Takeing a deep breath I pulled open the brown cardboard box I saw an object wrapped in gold paper and a letter sitting ontop of it. Pulling out the letter first I unfoled it and started to read.  
  
Ryou,   
  
I saw this at a merchent's bazzar in Cairo, Egypt severel weeks ago. I immidetly thought of you, this gift seemed destiened for you really son. I've missed you and I'm sorry I'm not home more often. I hope you like the gift, the man who sold it said it has ancient powers and a tragic love tale behind it...I thought you'd be intrestested. I'll try to be home in within the next two weeks...see you then I hope.  
  
Love,  
  
Your Father  
  
Short and strait to the point...thats my father. The basic translation of this littler letter is "I'm too busy to come home for whatever new reeason so i'm going to try and buy off your feelings with this, love father". I sighed heavely. Maybe I'm being unfair to him...but he *always* does this. Every time. I haven't seen my father face-to-face in nearly two years....I have a right to be bitter...maybe.  
  
Shakeing off my thoughts I pulled out the papper-wrapped present. Mind as well see what Father's sent me this time. A sudden jolt of anticpation I've neveer felt before stirred in my stomache and I found myself ripping off the paper with unfettered excitement. What I found made me drop it in shock. It was the Ring...the one 'Yami' always wore....was it...did that mean...He was really real and I wasn't crazy?!?!  
  
Unbrittled hope kindled brightly in my chest, the blast so hard and fast inside I couldn't even feel the impact of it...and the aftershocks were only just makeing themselves known. I ran my fingers across the surface of the Ring. Smooth and slightly cold under my touch. A tingly sensation sizzled through me. A single secoud of utter bliss clutched me close as I tuched it...and for a moment in time the world seemed more real...the harsh edges of it withered away completely.  
  
I smiled my first real geniune smile in god knows how long and picked the Ring up off my bed. A dark long cord hung from it...screaming with all its might to slip it over my throat...it wasn't a request I could deny...I lifted it higher...  
  
~Where ever you go, whatever you do  
I'll be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks  
I'll be right here waiting for you~  
  
~I toke for granted all the times  
That I thought would last somehow  
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears  
But I can't get near you now~  
  
~Oh, can't you see it baby  
You've got me got me goin' crazy~  
  
*******************Bakura's p.o.v.*************  
  
Its a shapless darkness inside of the Ring.  
  
Insanity wrecked havok through my thoughts...mixing reality and fantasy together in a perfect blind of maliciouse cruelty. A pulasating agony that would never abate pounded through my very soul...eating up what little of my remained. I was floating on the edge of eternity...the infinet feel of darkness swallowing any element of light that would brave it's way near.  
  
Hope? A forgotten notion. A foolish dream I've long since pushed away.  
  
Aburptly the picture of a frail teen with long glistening white hair and innocent melted chocolate eyes flashe din my mind's eye...a perfect, gentle smile...a kind aura..Ryou...my Hikari....Gods...I failed you Ryou, I did. I didn't protect you...not like I was suppose to do. I hurt you. I crushed you at every turn even though I loved you...Ra, I loved you Ryou...and in the end...you loved me too. What a fine pair of pride-filled bakas we were...what a fool I was not to of seen it.   
  
If theres one upside to being trapped in this hellish cage its that I've been given time to think...to repent my sins against you my beautiful Hikari. Though there can be no redeption for what I've done. Ever. The Ring often shows me my memories over and over. Hour after hour. Day after Day. Years upon years. Like some sort of twisted movie. Sometimes it shows me the times I hurt you. Sometime ste moments you looked at me with such longing...desire that I hadn't seen...hadn't deserved.   
  
I've screamed at my blank prision for hours upon hours. Until my voice is raw and ragged. I've made my blood run down in rivers onto the floor and through my fingers just to feel the pain....to see the blood...to see if I was still here and alive...My tainted soul dosen't deserve to live when your pure one left this world. I should have been taken with you.  
  
Then I wouldn't be here...writheing in utter agony without you. I need you more then ever, Hikari...but you not here...and i've the rest of eternity to face that. Until Ra shows me mercy and frees me from this torment. Something that very, very unlikely...as I've said before...the God's have never been fond of me. They seem fond of kicking me in the teeth when I least expect it.  
  
{"I...I'll be with you again...Yami...I'm your Hikari...I'll never leave you completely..."}  
  
Ryou's last words echoed around me.  
  
His voice seeming as real now as it had then.  
  
He'd promised he'd be with me again...somehow...someway, but...it's not possible, is it? tT can't be..true, we're two halves of the same soul...but our finding eachother before had been chance at best...and such a thing isn't all that likely to happen again. I'll sped forever here...trapped and reliveing my past...waiting for the moment of death in hopes that I may be able to be reunited with him...maybe...  
  
Somewhre along the line of these counrtless years within this blasted Ring I think I've truely fallen off the ledge of sanity...without my Hikari near I'm nothing. No defence can protect me from this agony of being without him....  
  
Abruptly I felt it.  
  
A tugg within my soul  
  
A blinding completeness of remarkable intensity surged through me...Sootheing the harsh pain that had become a part of me. Light, pure perfect innocent light filled me. An unblimeshed soul of white naivite touched my mind...The shapless darkness that had surrounded me for so very long lifted instantly.  
  
A broken hope I thought had been crushed into a thousand shards filled me as I gathered my energy to create a form outside the Ring. I had to see if it was true or this was some cruel joke fate had played. See if Ryou had truely rejoined me after all this time...onegai...Ra, don't let this be a trick...let me be with him again...onegai...  
  
~Where ever you go, whatever you do  
I'll be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you~  
  
~I wonder how we can survive  
This romance  
But in the end if I'm with you  
I'll take the chance~  
  
~Oh can't you see it, baby  
You've got me goin' crazy~  
  
**************Ryou's P.O.V.***************  
  
The secoud the Ring slipped over my neck it was like a switch had been flipped inside of my mind. A flamboyant joy surged through my very soul, a feeling of completeness riveted through me like a warm fire. My flesh tingled, a smile surged across my face. All the peices fell into place at that moment. A puzzle finaly sovled.  
  
They weren't dreams.  
  
They were memories.   
  
My memories from my past life.  
  
I had returned at long last...but had he waited? Was my darker half I'd longed for still inside the Ring after all this time? Kami-sama...onegai...  
  
The Ring pulsated against my chest. Heat spreaded through my body and I suddenly found myself inches away from the being that had haunted me for so very long...the person I had waited for...was here. My Yami. My Koi. My other halfl My dark fallen angel.  
  
"Ryou..."he whipered, my name sounded so preciouse falling from his lips. Regreat, happiness, hope...love even....all woven into it.  
  
I smiled, feeling tears of joy slither down my cheeks. He was here. After so long...we were together again.And tihs time I won't let him go...I will not lose him again I swear it. I won't let my damnable pride get in the way like before...I won't be so distrustful of him ever again...I swear it.  
  
"Yami...I...I told you I'd be back."I replied softly, throwing my arms around him...needing to feel him against me...to prove he was real and I wans't dreaming anymore...that he was truely here with me....  
  
He squeezed me tight against him, my breath left my longs and though they burned with the need for air I didn't care. He was here...holding me. The pain only meant that this was reality...  
  
"This is a dream..."he whispered...his breath hot against my ear.  
  
I shook my head, burying my face in his hair...it smelled of vanilla,"Its real, Yami...its real...I've missed you...and I...I still love you"  
  
He pulled away from me slightly, cradleing my face between his hands,"I love you too, Hikari"he replied before crushing his lips against my own.  
  
Passion that had waited far too long for relese flew through us. We were soaring high above the sky, above any limit or shadows that would dare to swipe our love away. We were together again....and never would we part.  
  
//Ai sherteru, Yami//  
  
/Ai sherteru, HIkari, zutto/  
  
//Zutto//  
  
~Where ever you go, whatever you do  
I'll be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes or how my heart breaks  
I'll be right here waiting for you~  
  
~Waiting for you~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-^_^I hope you liked the real ending to this^_^Arigato all of you for your reviews^_^It has truely meant a lot to me^_^Also for those of you who don't know "Itsu mo" means always/forever:)Onegai, review to tell me what you thought of the epilogu!^_^Sorry it was kinda short...I re-wrote this too so I hope ya'all liked the new version better^_^  
  
Ja Ne 


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